lossofapet

I suffer from a fear of people, even typing this is scary. But I'm all alone and don't trust anyone. I feel like I can post here though, even if I'm not making sense.
I lost my dog in May. I had him for 12.5 years. He was my everything, my world, my purpose. He's also the first loss I've had to endure. People have died around me, but they ment nothing to me. My dog though, ☹️. I don't know how to mourn. It just hurts. It's been over a month since I lost him and I hear that I should be over it by now. I ... how can you be "over" losing someone that meant so much to you so quickly? I see him everywhere, I feel him still, I can hear his tags when he shook or scratched, I can hear his yipping as he slept. How does one #Mourn ? I know everyone #Grief or #Mourn differently but I'm at a loss, I get flashbacks of him in the vet's office that dreadful day. Just ... I don't know. I just needed to say something. I'm going crazy having no where to express. If you made it this far, thank you.

I have had my dog since he was born. He turned 12 this past January. He was diagnosed with Cushing Syndrome/disease Nov 2019. To continue a healthy comfortable remaining life, I have to make $900+CAD. I can't do that. He is my everything, my world. He's chronicly dehydrated, his kidneys are starting to fail, he sleeps 23.5 hours. He doesn't eat. His hind legs are starting to fade. So I have to put him down. This is the hardest thing and rekting havoc on my mental health. I just feel so helpless and like a bad dog owner. Once he's taken care of, ( #triggerwarningsuicide ) I'm thinking about meeting him at the rainbow bridge.
Has anyone had to deal with grief alone? No friends, family, support system?