Mourn

I suffer from a fear of people, even typing this is scary. But I'm all alone and don't trust anyone. I feel like I can post here though, even if I'm not making sense.
I lost my dog in May. I had him for 12.5 years. He was my everything, my world, my purpose. He's also the first loss I've had to endure. People have died around me, but they ment nothing to me. My dog though, ☹️. I don't know how to mourn. It just hurts. It's been over a month since I lost him and I hear that I should be over it by now. I ... how can you be "over" losing someone that meant so much to you so quickly? I see him everywhere, I feel him still, I can hear his tags when he shook or scratched, I can hear his yipping as he slept. How does one #Mourn ? I know everyone #Grief or #Mourn differently but I'm at a loss, I get flashbacks of him in the vet's office that dreadful day. Just ... I don't know. I just needed to say something. I'm going crazy having no where to express. If you made it this far, thank you.

After I started talking to a psychologist, I have realized something I actually never have thought about. As I have shared in earlier post, I lost my mother when I was 8y and my father when I was 14y. No one ever told me it was okey to #Mourn , or that I actually should. I have never had anyone who talk to me or that I could talk to after my mom passed away, and now I sit with the question 'why didn't I have anyone?'. The child welfare should have taken it seriously, when a child loses one of their parents. I grew up without anyone to talk to, I got so used to it, I thought it was normal not to talk about losing my mother and that it was normal not to grief. When I became a teenager I tried to open up to my friends, but they always ended up interrupting me as if what I told them was so boring. I ended up being the anchor to my friends, because that's who I am and always have been. My friends always came to me with their problems, they knew I was one of the few who would listen and try my best to help them and let them cry on my shoulder, so I was there for them. don't get me wrong, I loved that my friends could come to me and that they trusted me, but non of them ever bothered to think or ask about how I handled it. It's been very hard the last few weeks, with the pain my ex-boyfriend caused me, and I lost a girl as a BFF, grief of my parents and the love I still have for a ex guy-friend who don't care at all. The worst part is that everything just got thrown in my face at once, and I have no idea how to handle it all! I'm extra #Vulnerable , but I try my best not to show it!