My Fears About Getting My PICC Line Out

I really never thought this day would come. The night before I am scheduled to get my PICC line out. This is my 10th PICC line and I am scared.

I am not scared of how it is going to feel. I am actually quite excited to get it taken out. I am scared because it was the only thing that made my invisible illness visible. Having something attached to me for three years has made me feel seen and more understood by the people around me, instead of being completely invisible. It has made my friends, family and professors much more sympathetic and understanding. I am scared being without a PICC line will diminish how I feel because there is nothing noticeable about me being chronically ill.

Having an invisible illness has been tough for me as I smile through the pain and get through every day. People saying I look fine is tough and they think when you say you are not OK, you are saying it for attention. Having something to “prove” I was not OK was easier than being completely invisible.

I am scared to see what lies ahead being PICC line-less and still having my invisible illness.