I’m Not Seeking Pity About My Lyme Disease. I’m Seeking Awareness.
No one is perfect. I know I’m not. In my moment of weakness, I’m upset at the world and myself at times. How could you not be when everything in your life changes with chronic illness.
I think back nostalgically about how my body and joints use to move with fluidity and without pain. It’s a vague memory because it was so long ago. I remember how I could always find the right words to express myself before brain fog got the best of me. I look back at how the most basic things like grocery shopping or showering were tasks I didn’t have to plan out or need help on — I used to take these for granted.
Now some days I stare at the ground with tears in my eyes, wishing I could do these simple things. But I can’t some days. Because I am not perfect and because I am sick. Because I am no longer in control of my body — Lyme disease is.
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Even though it feels like it’s a curse, I know it will not last forever. However, it’s a very long road to remission. It can take a few more years. I think about how other people my age have families and are partying, hiking, traveling and living their lives and probably taking for granted the very things I can’t even do anymore. I can’t count how many times my husband has had to feed me and bathe me when I was at my worst. And I just want to be able to exercise again without passing out because of my postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS).
But I’m not seeking pity. I’m seeking awareness. This was not my own doing or my choice. This was from a small blood-sucking insect — a tick! No one deserves this pain, but here I am and I am not alone. The CDC estimates that around 300,000 Americans are diagnosed with Lyme disease each year. I writing this for them.
It’s a daily battle, and I’m fighting it to win it. So when I’m looking down on those dreary days that I feel like giving up, I look up to the sky and I think, “One day I will win. And one day I will be healthy again.”
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