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5 Photos I Didn't Share on Social Media of My Lyme Disease Treatment

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Art is my world. It is equally tied with music. I love the two and cannot imagine life without them. Actually, I can, because for two years during treatment, music and even the light of the television was torture to me. I had extreme sound and light sensitivities and this made indulging in what I love most, torture. Now that I am on the mend with my health journey and seeing more and more pieces of normalcy flowing to me, I have rekindled that flame for my love of the arts.

Photography has been something I have been interested in for years. In college I studied art and took two photo courses. I love to document the things I see around me and share the way I view the world through the lens of the camera. I find this difficult at times now that I am in treatment since some of the images I long to share, I know hold a repercussion. I used to think that was in my head, but I see now the more I share the pictures of me on my good days, the more people flow back into my life. The times I allow myself to be more vulnerable and share the raw reality, the less people flow to me.

I know this should not bother me and I should own who I am, but I have lost so much in the last few years, I do not want to lose any more. The people close to me should love all of me and honor what I am going through, but the reaction I get is more of a “we do not need to see that.” It reminds me of a time in my past when I worked for a nonprofit organization that spread the word about animal cruelty. I would work on weekend events as a volunteer and people who stopped by the booth would often tell me that what we were doing was wrong. Many felt it was gruesome and something they did not need to see. Often people like to keep their own environments neutral. Seeing someone go through an illness or an event that is not the PG version of life reminds them of the harsh reality of the world. The real way things work. It is easier to shut our eyes and shut out the things we do not want to see. Shutting our eyes is easier. Opening them wide and seeing the reality is hard.

These are the photos I have taken that I do not share on my social media. They are the ones I take when I see a moment in treatment I want to capture. The ones that sit in my camera that I wonder if I should delete because I can never share them. The reason I take photos and share artwork is not in vain. I feel I have been given a gift of seeing the world in a beautiful way and I want to simply share that with others. I want others to see the same thing they may see every day in their eyes, in my eyes. I feel this can help others to understand me more than a million words could. I hope these images can help you understand. I hope they can help you to relate and maybe share your own experience too.

Weekly Infusions with and hour and a half drive each way
Weekly infusions with and hour and a half drive each way
woman on the couch with a dog in her lap
Couch days
woman on the bed with her dog
Anxiety attacks
weekly pill organizing
Weekly pill organizing
waiting room
Another waiting room

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Originally published: August 4, 2017
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