Tuesday started out a productive day. Thankfully our little marshmallow was in preschool (thanks for family helping us out until we get back on our feet and health). I got some bookkeeping, apartment stuff and some much-needed writing done. I actually felt really good. But one of the lagging to-do list things that I didn’t accomplish Monday was going to the pharmacy transferring our medicine and putting in new meds for myself. As I was heading to Walmart my chronic headache got extremely worse and my eyes started to not focus. I thought it was just the wind that made me feel off balance again. After a little bit of time in the store it “seemed” that things calmed down. I also thought since I was there without a 2-year-old I can pick up some gifts for an upcoming baby shower. At this point I didn’t realize I was getting worse and wasn’t communicating well. I was getting hungry (and the one time I forgot my protein bar in my purse). And yes… I could have gotten something in Walmart, but typically quick food items at Walmart are off my eating list, plus I get so focused on the task at hand I ignore what my body needs.
Now looking back, this is all to familiar… when my hubby has a low blood sugar he gets stuck in a repeat cycle and can only do what was last on his mind. I have learned arguing with him is pointless after five years. I just give him some sugar and wait 30 minutes until he comes back around.
The same thing is happening to me, but I didn’t have anyone to bail me out. My stubbornness is hurting me in my recovery period. If I had just chosen to go home as soon as my head started hurting more then I might have been able to go back out and finish my to-do list. Of course this all makes sense in my head right now, but when it comes on so quickly I don’t always have a clear plan to help me get out.
To many of us stubbornness can be so helpful and make us work harder and do better at jobs. But for me with chronic Lyme disease it is hurting my recovery. In my mind I am frustrated because this was not how I imagine motherhood or marriage with my husband. Yes, once again… I had set myself for expectations I didn’t even know I did. As a dear friend advised me yesterday, all of us are given a certain of number of spoons a day to work with. For me it might take me more spoons for me to help get my family ready than someone else. Then driving, the most multi-tasking job for me, takes more spoons than others. I am learning that even if I have two or three things on my to do list, when my body starts warning me I need to stop and save my spoons for later. I say all this in theory… now practicing it is my prayer that I can do!
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My husband has type 1 diabetes, my daughter has various food allergies and other digestive complications with FPIES diagnosis. I have just been recently diagnosed with Lyme disease after a year of searching for answers and three years of not feeling good. Our family is all about nutrition with all of our food restrictions and allergies and trying to learn how to make dinner to accommodate all of us!
chelsea-morton