magicalthinking

Two weeks after his father died, Allen came in from the yard and told me, “The trees are whispering Dad’s name.”

“Oh,” I said, thinking the wind was hardly blowing that day. “Are you sure?”

He nodded solemnly. “Not only that, Mom, they’re saying that Dad isn’t going to stay dead. They’re saying that Dad is going to find a way to come back to us! Isn’t that good news?”

I am pretty sure I nodded while I wondered if I should call for emergency services or at least dial the number of Allen’s therapist. Instead, I began a quest to help my son, with his atypical brain, to process Ron’s death in a healthy manner. I discovered that, like others on the spectrum and even some of us with typical brain function, my son was using “magical thinking” to avoid the immediate pain of his dad’s death.

According to St. James, Handelman, and Taylor (2011), magical thinking provides a connection to what has been broken and helps the thinker cope with cultural expectations of control. During the days between Ron's death and his funeral, Allen needed to hold himself together, shaking hands and accepting hugs, saying "thank you" to those who expressed their condolences. As the researchers at Indiana University note (2014), “normal can be exhausting.”#Autism #Grief #magicalthinking #

It is six days after Ron’s death and for the first time, Allen and I are alone in the house. I sit in my rocking chair, sorting through bills I cannot pay, and hear my adult autistic son in his bedroom upstairs, stomping his feet and banging furniture. I close my eyes and take deep breaths, reminding myself how difficult it is for Allen, who sees the world in concrete terms, to accept the finality of his father’s death. He thunders down the steps, shouting,

“They’ve taken it! They’ve taken it! They came and took Dad away and won’t bring him back and now they’ve taken away the measuring tape that Dad gave me! I hate those people from the ambulance! I HATE THEM!” His grief echoes in the hallway, wrapping him in sorrow. He collapses in a heap at the bottom of the steps, and his sobs pierce me.

My own grief is raw and open. How can I hope to help my son come to accept Ron’s sudden death when I am still trying to pick up the pieces of my own shattered heart?#Grief #Autism #magicalthinking #

My kids found this magical creature painted on a hydro pipe in the city. It Encourages me to think about magic and having magical thinking which brings me a lot of hope. Hope for my recovery and for my life to be in balance. At least a good deal of the time! # #magicalthinking