If You’re Looking for Hope Right Now, Read This

“I hope you heal from the things that you don’t tell anyone.”

Now, this isn’t a story or a letter. This is something you can hold onto when you feel like all of your hope is lost, when you have nowhere to go, this may be a safe house for you.

I know how you are feeling right now, I have been there, and I still am, so I empathize with you.

I have lived terrible things no one, not even those closest to me, know about. I know what it’s like to feel like you have nothing left to live for. I have been living with suicidal thoughts since I was 14 years old, 14. Can you imagine that? Kids at that age should not be worried about a thing, they should just be living their life and not planning on how to end it. I am 23 now, so if we make the math, it has been nine years where not a day passed by where I’ve not thought about how to disappear forever.

I have lived through times where I’ve become so numb, so unwell that the thought of ending my life was the only one that could give me peace and relief. It rang in my head like a bell, or ticking like a bomb if you prefer, a bomb ready to explode any minute now. But, there’s also a feeble voice within all of this noise, a voice that reminds me of what I’d leave behind, the pain, the desperation I’d leave behind if I was to go through with dying by suicide.

So, I know that that’s the hard thing to deal with — being so desperate to escape the inner pain, but knowing the aftermath of suicide is totally devastating for those left behind. And coming from this, I also know what you may think and how all of this might just add to a self-loathing opinion of yourself.

So I, and most importantly, we, live a constant war inside our heads between living in pain and disgust, or dying and causing a path of extreme destruction in departure.

I know all of this because as I said: I’ve been there.

And I’m here to tell you there’s hope even if we don’t see it because we’re covered in this fog that does not let us see the light.

Personally, I hope you heal from the things you don’t tell anyone.

I hope you can shut the ugly voices in your head down, and you keep listening to the tiny voice that tells you to get going.

I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive yourself, even if there’s nothing you should be sorry about.

I hope you’ll reach out for help. You can find my Twitter account in my profile if you ever want to talk.

I hope you’ll see the light in this darkness that surrounds you.

And you know why? Because we deserve it.

We deserve to heal.

We deserve to feel.

We deserve to live.