Returning to work after conflict and BPD diagnosis
I am returning to work after a 3 month leave that I had to take after being hospitalized. At the hospital I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and complex PTSD, plus major depression. The last few months at work I was in an escalating rampage of self-destruction and had a nasty confrontation with my new manager that got me reported to HR. I had a previous problem that also involved HR that left me deeply traumatized. The second episode ended with a warning email with a very explicit lie that made me go into suicidal ideation. To make matters worse, I was taking Chantix and hormonal meds that severely altered my mood in both occasions, throwing my coping mechanisms through the window. The diagnosis made me understand why, although I have been a quiet bpd for years and got diagnosed at 45, I felt that I was unraveling and not really myself. I truly believe the meds ruined my career. Now I have to return and face the music. I truly believe disclosing would be a good option but HR is strongly advising against it. My new manager also is absolutely clueless about my role and she already told me she plans to put me to work in projects I already expressed disinterest on and are way below my level plus pushing me to work on something I actually finalized before I left. I plan to set accommodations in place before my return but I am terrified to assert myself when it comes to the work my boss wants to assign me because I fear she might take it as personal offense and report me again, which will get me fired. I want to go back to work, I love my job. But this manager and her possible reactions are scaring me beyond words. I am also getting into a DBT program but I still have to wait a couple of weeks to start and I am sure it will take a while for me to harness the skills necessary to deal with this. What can I do? #bordeline #BPD #CPTSD #Returntowork #medicaleave