To My Significant Other Who Has to Fight My Mental Illness Too
You put up with so much.
You’re there and you remind me I’m not fighting this battle alone. But during the fight, you get caught in the crossfire sometimes and experience the consequences of my worst times. You are the victim of an illness that isn’t yours. You carry a burden that isn’t yours to hold. But you do it all willingly. You do it because you love me enough to fight this all with me.
Sometimes I feel like I make your life worse, and that I need to apologize for everything related to my struggles. And sometimes I send you long texts in the middle of the night while you sleep explaining my feelings and apologizing for my feelings because I feel like my burdens weigh you down too. Sometimes my illness actually does bring you down, and for that I am sorry, but you know as well as I do if I could, I wouldn’t bring any of this on us.
When I really struggle, you endure the hardship to sit next to me — sometimes even when I am pushing you away — and remind me you love me and it will all be OK. This makes me angry at you, grateful for you and sad this is part of your life as well — all at the same time.
No matter what I feel, no matter the ups and downs, no matter what happens, my appreciation for your investment in me will always be superior to the pain I experience or bring on you. My love for you will always be stronger than the depression or mania I experience, even when there doesn’t appear to be any love there. Please know I love you, and that I am so grateful for your willingness to fight this with me.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.
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Unsplash photo via Henri Pham