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When Mental Illness Makes You Feel Like a Bad Friend

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I cancel plans. I don’t always text back. I lose touch. I disconnect.

When I’m there, I’m not always present. I’m absentminded. I take things the wrong way. I get upset.

It’s not that I don’t want to see you or that I don’t want to talk to you. I find it hard to even be with myself, let alone another person. I feel guilty every day I go without talking to you or for every canceled plan. I don’t know how to apologize anymore because it must seem so insincere. I know it’s difficult to understand. I know it’s hard to deal with. I know you often feel like I don’t care. But I do. I care more than my actions show. I think about everything I do and how it will affect our friendship. I think about the friends I’ve lost already and hope you won’t be next.

I’m asking you not to give up on me. I’m asking you to be patient, to try and understand where I am coming from. To know that my mental illness won’t always control my life. I am still the fun, loving, caring and sassy friend you first met. I know I’m asking a lot but I promise you, it’ll be worth it.

I’ll do whatever I can to make you laugh. I won’t ever let you be sad for too long. You’ll always have someone to listen and give you advice. You’ll have a partner in crime for life in me. I’ll do my best to be this person for you and when it counts I’ll always be there.

So please don’t give up on our friendship.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Thinkstock photo via kevinhillillustration

Originally published: October 14, 2017
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