27 Messages to Any Man Who Thinks They Have to Be 'OK' All the Time
“We men always feel like it’s a sign of weakness to speak about our feelings, our struggles, even our dreams… it’s OK to talk about it, sometimes you need someone to listen.”
Like Mighty community member Dartel, quoted above, many men are taught their feelings are a sign of weakness, or their struggles make them less of a man. This “code of silence” — this pressure to hold things in — is not only unfair, it can be dangerous. Sixteen percent of men worldwide struggle with some type of mental illness, which doesn’t account for mental health struggles men face that go unreported. Around the world, we lose one man to suicide every minute of every day.
Too many men are struggling. Too many men don’t talk about it or ask for help.
Something has to change.
That is why in support of Movember, we launched the #ItsOKMan initiative — to let anyone who identifies as a man know we see them. We wanted to give men a place to talk about how they’re doing, get support from others who’ve been there and remind everyone — no matter their gender — that it’s OK not to be OK.
As part of the #ItsOKMan initiative, we asked our community to share photos of things they wanted men who are struggling to know. Here are some of the photos they shared with us — from both our online campaign, and from our New York City #ItsOKMan pop-up event in Washington Square Park.
Whatever you’re going through, it’s OK man. Here’s what people want you to know.
1. “The more we realize how much we have in common, the easier it is to start a conversation and get us the tools and help we need.” — Rayah
2. “Confront toxic masculinity.”
3. “Oftentimes we as men make others’ opinions or expectations of us have an effect on who we are or who we want to be. But this can all get draining and will eventually catch up you; physically, mentally, and emotionally. We must take the time to reflect and figure this out on our own. We must be strong enough to face the internal and external struggles that we encounter, and not be afraid to ask for help along the way. That’s the real definition of being a man. This year has been one of the hardest for me, but it has also been the best. Sometimes we need the hard times to appreciate the good times, and although it may seem like it’ll never end, you have to stay strong and keep going. #ItsOKMan” — Stephan G. (See the full post here.)
4. “You don’t have to ‘man up.’”
5. “As a mom of two young boys, I want them to know that #ItsOkMan. Having feelings, crying, needing help – #ItsOkMan. I want them to grow up to value kindness as much as strength and understanding as much as success. And above all, I want them to know how much they are loved, no matter what. So boys, whatever you are into, whatever you grow up to be, #ItsOKMan” — Leigh W.
6. “Start addressing PTSD now. Don’t wait.”
7. “We men always feel like it’s a sign of weakness to speak about our feelings, our struggles, even our dreams… it’s OK to talk about it, sometimes you need someone to listen.” — Dartel M.
8. “#ItsOKMan to be who you really are. I am a pretty intelligent man. While that has it’s perks, it can provide a unique kind of pressure that makes it hard to be who I really am. It is true that I know quite a bit, and in general I freely share what I know, because I genuinely enjoy helping other people out. Alas, I do not know everything, and sometimes it feels like the people around me expect me to know everything, even if that is not their intent. Thus I find myself pretending.” — Chris W. (See the full post here.)
9. “Nobody needs to be alone.”
10. “You’re allowed to have a bad day and struggle, we all have those days, but look at what you have and where you have been… huge amounts of love to those who are taking their first steps in talking about how they feel.” — Ant A.
11. “Showing your emotion doesn’t invalidate your ‘manhood.’”
12. “I shared something I wrote with my dad the other day about how our relationship has changed throughout my struggles with depression, anxiety, eating disorders and suicidal thoughts. It’s been hard, but I do believe we’ve become stronger. Here’s a little line from his response: ‘The hardest part for a man of watching someone you love struggle with depression or anxiety or suicidal thoughts or an eating disorder is the complete helplessness you feel. Men do not like feeling helpless. We like to fix things that are broken.’” — Haley Q. (See the full post here.)
13. “Men can be abused, too.”
14.“Let’s replace ‘Man Up’ with ‘Want to talk about it?’… Feelings are for everybody.” — @sugarandsloth
15. “Cry more!”
16. “It’s OK to be vulnerable in your relationships. Admitting you’re at fault and owning your mistakes is the first step to working on them. Admitting everything is not OK does not make you less of a partner.” — Adam and Sarah
17. “You don’t have to be “masc” to be a real man.”
18. “As I know most of us grew up having the statement ‘tough it out,’ but from my experience, that can be more hurtful to yourself than any sort of benefit. Be proud of who you are and stand tall to your emotions and find your true inner strength and again it’s OK to feel those feelings and have those thoughts!” — Cameron
19. “Be honest, and open to connection, but don’t shy away from standing your ground for what you believe in.”
20. “It gets better and #ItsOKMan. Writing the above line helped me gain a new perspective into my life. My life is not a struggle but I have had phases where things looked bad. There were days filled with carefree joys, there were days where I would go to bed with one meal knowing sure the next day would be a struggle. Days where I would feel blessed to breathe this moment to days where I would be apathetic. From euphoria to despair. If there is one thing I can say, its that, it gets better and #ItsOKMan.” — Sandeep C. (See the full post here.)
21. “Life can be tough, but you can find the strength and courage through it.”
22. “We want you to know, no matter what you face today, you are man enough. You don’t need to ‘man up’ to be strong enough or powerful enough for the challenges you face.” — Rayah
23. “Be vulnerable! Why? It will help you reach out to someone, and to express your inner feelings. Someone will listen. Someone will care.”
24. “Too often we men are called ‘weak’ if we show emotions but this has to end. This doesn’t mean you have to start crying to Bridget Jones diary.
No it means that when life is really kicking you in the face you can turn to your bros for support instead of a ‘man up.’ This starts from telling your mates you got their back if they need a chat.” — Ben C.
25. “Being gentle does not make you weak.”
26. “We are feely humans. Our vulnerability is not something to shove down; it is something to celebrate and to share freely.” — Non W.
27. “When things are smooth, it is easy to forget others. Self-serving bias leads us to attribute the good mostly to our efforts But it is during the good times that we need the reminder, that what we do is only a sliver of the outcome. So much of what happens in life is beyond our control. It is both humbling and a relief to know that.” — Peter W. (See the full post here.)
If you or a loved one are struggling, help is out there. If you need support right now, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line if you are in the U.S. A list of crisis centers around the world can be found here as well.
We hope this conversation continues, because it’s so important. The #ItsOKMan page on The Mighty is for any man to talk about what they’re going through, and to give and get support from people who’ve been there.
To see all of the #ItsOKMan photos, head here.
Hi wonderful humans! My name is Haley -- dog mom, creator, storyteller and advocate. I joined The Mighty because I believe we heal and support one another by sharing our beautiful but sometimes difficult stories. Like many of you, I'm in the process of learning to have compassion for both the darkness and light that lies within me. I'm so glad you and I are here, because we are #MightyTogether.
haleyquinn