Phone waits to click off
In this pouring rain I once wondered
Is it the darkness of the light
Or the clapping of the thunder
I wonder
Why I survived
All these times
Survivors guilt?
Up in the sky?
I am reborn again
In this same looking body
I never felt at home in
Controlling it
With medications
I don't know what the fuck is in them
Trynna see through the light
As far as I see them
Eat them
Or your brain tells you to snort lithium through your mouth
Yeah that'll solve the problem
No longer take me back to when my mouth was gonna be
Closed shut for life
I almost lost my life
A million times
I am no longer my disease that will take me out if I choose
No longer sitting at home in my room
That no longer exists I look up to the moon
And all of these poems I've read
And all of these poems I write
I see you reading them on your phone screen
Overnight
You look up youtube poetry
Clayton Jennings
And this poem may never seem ending
And ending
Haven't you ever realized
That little voice
That is inside our own heads
Either telling you to go to bed
Or to kill yourself instead
The same voice
You read this poem
With your pain and your sorrow
And I'm praying when you make it back from your dreams tonight
That you will not be on the planet of tomorrow's
Everyone understands this
It's their greatest fear
Not seeing heaven covered in fire
Or the devil with his spear
I will not put down this phone
I will not shut up
Ptsd I've had enough
Questioning if they lied to me
If my whole life has been a lie
When I gaze up to the heavens and realize some humans only see sky
I have discovered what is beyond, lately
So put these bibles back on their shelves
The choirs are chasing me

I will never be the same
But thats okay
Don't be scared of me
Cuz I see you too
We all have that one little thought that says
"Jump. If you lose."
Something out there is trynna fight us
With these man made clocks
These man made books
These man made drugs looking to better the man

But now
I have experienced
A world
Without any
Ends