the blind doctor
the doctor, the one they say to run for help, has made me a lost sole. pill after pill I swallow, I feel the deep hole into which I fall. the pill, that brain altering mind blowing pill, so small. you flood my brain with the happy and the focus. you run through my veins as fast as you can. Adderall. I hate you. I fucking hate you. you’ve stolen my joy, made me a different person. am I to blame, am I the blind patient? to whom I blame shall be no one. what use is it now to put fault? to which extent will pinning responsibility on another lead me anywhere closer to recovery??
here I lay, wide awake as the hours pass. lie lonesome and cold at who I have become. lay restless and sleep deprived. taking in the cold hard truth- I told you so often I no longer sleep. told you even the voices I hear and the people I see. pin it to sleep deprivation from stress.
neurotoxicity- that’s what it is. my mind is inundated with the horrors.
so, as the hours pass- so shall this addiction. as I lay my head down, may I wake on that plane- ready for change !
[heading to rehab for a 4 year Adderall dose way higher than neeeded in a city I’ve never been with people I’ve never met secluded from my life, with no phone friend or foe]