I walked into my first appointment with my new psychiatrist feeling nervous but hopeful. I had just moved from New York to South Carolina which is a big life change and I wanted to get re-evaluated after ten years of being on medication. My goal was simple: I wanted to see if I could begin lowering my doses and continue healing in a balanced, thoughtful way.
The very first thing she said to me was, “I hear you’re here for your ADHD meds?”
Immediately, my guard went up. I felt judged before I had even opened my mouth. I wasn’t there to ask for a prescription; I was there to build a new connection and explore my options. I quickly replied, “No, I’m looking for a new psychiatrist because I just moved here.”
But the tone of the appointment never shifted. She started asking rapid questions like how many providers I’d seen, what aggression looked like for me, which medications didn’t work, do you have access to fire arms? I answered honestly, even mentioning that I had just gotten married. Not even a smile. No “congratulations.” She stayed distant, clinical, and cold.
I found myself doing what I often do when I feel misunderstood — overexplaining, trying to prove I’m a “good patient,” trying to please someone who already seemed to have made up her mind. Instead of hearing me out, she decided to increase my bipolar medication. The irony? I came there hoping to *reduce* it.
It was clear she saw me through the lens of a diagnosis, not as a person. Because I’m in recovery, asking about ADHD medication seemed to trigger her assumption that I was drug-seeking. That hurt deeply. I left the office feeling unseen, ashamed, and frustrated not because my meds were changed, but because my voice wasn’t valued.
At the end of the visit she did not give me my ADHD medicine. She did write me a referral to a new doctor putting down I am bipolar/depression which she asked me about my depression and I told her I am usually not depressed, I am hypo-manic. I'm getting a second opinion, and this time, I’m going in more prepared to advocate for myself. But the whole experience reminded me how much stigma still exists even in the rooms meant to help us heal.
#Addiction #AddictionRecovery #ADHD #BipolarDisorder
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