There comes a point in recovery when you realize that the very thing you once thought was your comfort was actually your destruction. Addiction, like an old friend, whispers promises of peace but delivers only pain.
This letter that I wrote awhile back, is my goodbye — not just to my addiction, but to every lie it told me. Writing this is part of my healing. It’s my way of reclaiming power, forgiving myself, and walking toward freedom.
Hey, old friend. It’s me, Jackie.
Remember me? The one you told, “It’s going to be okay.”
You lied.
You deceived me on purpose.
Why? What did I do to deserve such ugliness and disgust?
To be put in harm’s way, to be stripped of everything Ive taught myself, and told that it was my fault?
You said you’d be there when I needed you.
That you would listen when I felt alone and unloved.
You came to my rescue with sweet lies and broken promises.
You knew what you were doing — that it would eventually break me.
That I would fall and struggle to get back up, without your help.
Now, I’m stuck here by myself trying to rebuild what you broke.
Alone. Scared. Vulnerable.
Fighting these demons without any weapons — because you took them away from me.
My children suffer because I fell into your trap and forgot how important they were to me.
I take responsibility for what I did.
But my children… they are innocent. You had no right.
You pushed it too far, and now you will suffer my vengeance.
I’m coming for your soul.
Here I go — on my own.
With little support, few resources, and little family left.
Rebuilding the skills that were stolen from me.
Fighting my traumas, one by one.
Each day, I grow stronger.
Each day, I learn your weaknesses.
And soon, I’ll break free from the hold you have on me.
I’ll repair the relationships you helped destroy.
I’ll regain my self-respect and earn back the respect of others.
As I grow stronger, you will shrink.
You’ll become nothing but a passing thought — a ghost that reminds me never to go back.
Because I want to love myself.
I want to love those who love me. ❤️
I want freedom — from shame, guilt, and remorse.
From hurting others, from hating myself, from sabotaging every good thing that comes my way.
Because you do not deserve my time or attention anymore.
You have no right to interfere with my life, my peace, or my people.
I am taking my life back.
You are no longer welcome here.
Goodbye.
I will not miss you.
I will not think of you.
And I will not wish you back.
You are restricted — permanently — from my life and the lives of those I love.
P.S. I will reach out to others to help them learn your weakness.
To teach them how to overcome and resist your hold.
Together, we will rise — and in doing so, we will empower our children. 👊
To anyone reading this:
If you’re still fighting your own “old friend,” please know this — you are not alone. The pain, the guilt, the endless cycle — it doesn’t define you. You are stronger than the voice that tells you otherwise.
Every goodbye to addiction is a step toward a new beginning.
You can rebuild. You can heal. And one day, you’ll look back and realize — the power that once controlled you now fuels your purpose.
Keep fighting. Keep rising. You’re worth the freedom waiting on the other side. ❤️
BigmommaJ
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