Holy shit I’m fucking tired of it
People misconstruing the words that I put
In my posts lately
Understand I love you all greatly
But I’m sick of people not getting my intentions
When I mention
That I’m terminally ill
Seems maybe it’s a harder pill
For you all to swallow
All acting like I wallow
In my prognosis
All the while my diagnoses
Looms over my head

::Change of tone::

Don’t you get that soon I’ll be dead?
I have to lie in this fucking bed
So yeah I’m sick of hearing you say
How fucking hard your day
All because
Of things happening in YOUR CONTROL
Things within your own damn pull
Now I realize I’m complaining
But I’m merely saying
That I AM here for you in your time of need
I’m not one filled with greed
But watch who you’re complaining to
Because there’s some things I just can’t soothe

I’m not trying to one up
It will ALWAYS seem that way
When I say what I need to say
Which greatly pisses me off, you know
Because compassion is what I actually try to show
If you have a disease that’s totally different
Your mood control- you sometimes can’t
But I’m not judging that you see
Rather I’m judging the drama queens
The ones who actually own control
The ones taking their own toll
On their emotions
They have such devotion
To being the victim you see
Something that completely seethes me

So stop thinking I’m one upping you all
Every time I call you out when you “fall”
I am merely trying to help you out
I hope my words hold some clout
They probably don’t
But I just won’t
Back down and be treated as a selfish being
For any of you to say that is just fucked up and mean
Just understand
I practically demand
You see
That I’m not trying to be
A one upper you see
That’s just NOT me
So STOP painting me in that light
Unless you’re up for one hell of a fight...
Just sayin’
I am no longer playin’
Stop making me look so bad
It’s pissing me off and making me both mad and sad.

21 September 2019