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Why I Want Loved Ones to Stop Suggesting I Have Another Baby

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“You should have another baby!”

Almost four years ago to the day, when I gave birth to my son, I didn’t have any plans on having another child. Fourteen hours of labor was enough for me. We would be content with an only child. As any mother knows, soon that pain from labor disappears and the joy of life overwhelms you. When my son was diagnosed with a genetic degenerative disease, we were told not to get pregnant anytime soon. The odds of us having another baby born with this disease was 25 percent. It would be something we really needed to sit down and talk about.

One in four… it doesn’t sound so bad. That doesn’t mean one in four pregnancies, though. That means a 25 percent chance with every child. If I had a 25 percent chance of winning the lottery, you can bet I’d buy a dozen tickets every week.

Over the last three and a half years, I’ve watched my son lose almost all of his abilities. I’ve watched him in pain and knew there was nothing I could do to make it stop — besides give him more medicine than he already takes just to sedate him and let him rest. I’ve prayed endlessly for a miracle and total healing. I’m putting all of my effort into keeping it together.

Do I think about having more children? Of course, I think about it. Do I think about it more when family and friends tell me how good of a mother I am and that I should really have more? Yes, and it hurts.

When are we going to get another baby? The answer is that we don’t know if we have it in us to take that risk. The answer is that is scares me to even think about it. The answer is that I am waiting for science to find a cure. The answer is maybe someday. Do you see how much I’m thinking about it?

What I want to tell my friends and family is to please stop asking me to make that choice.

The Mighty is asking the following: What’s the one thing you want to tell your friends and family members but can’t about your experience with disability and/or disease. If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Share Your Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

Originally published: October 15, 2015
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