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To the Overwhelmed Moms Jealous of Those 'Perfect' Moms on Facebook

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I grew up thinking when I became a parent, I’d love my children equally. Now that I’m here, I can’t exactly say that. I honestly don’t feel as if my love has a measure. First off, the way my babies make me feel is not something I could ever express in quantity; it’s just there. It’s warm, comforting and forever. Both of my babies are my world and my absolute everything. I couldn’t chose one over the other; they are mine, they are my heart and soul. Something “equal” requires an amount. Instead, my love is infinite.

Secondly, my children are two extremely different people. They are tiny human beings with gigantic personalities and “vibes” all of their own. My daughter, Dakota, makes me shake my head and giggle like there is no tomorrow. My son, Charlie, is medically complex, and he makes me feel comfort, peace and pure innocent joy, always. They’re different, and they’re what stitch my heart together.

In the same sense that my children are different, they have changed me equally, drastically and differently. I’m so far from the person I was before I first saw two pink lines. Being a parent changes you like you wouldn’t imagine, in ways that steal your heart and challenge your patience each and every day.

Parenting is real, raw, dare I say, hardcore stuff (laughing because yes, I do dare to say). It’s ridiculous that I’m repulsed by ketchup, yet puke, poop, stomach acid (my son has a feeding tube in his stomach), snot and other bodily fluids just don’t faze me. I’m a mom now, and those things just come with the title. There are so many things people don’t tell you about parenthood. I believe the reason they don’t is because most people want to seem like the “perfect” parent.

It doesn’t exist. So just stop.

You will see the happy faces on Facebook. All the cute outfits, milestones and “had a great day at the park!” posts. Meanwhile, you’re sitting there: no bra, hair up and most likely not washed, babies crying and banging on the door. (Did I not mention you’re sitting on the toilet, attempting to find a peaceful moment?) Eventually, feelings of jealousy, failure or being overwhelmed will catch up to you.

I want you to stop, momma. Stop comparing yourself. Facebook is just a page where everybody posts only the things they want people to see. It’s where everybody puts on the face they want. They’re just as jealous when they go through their news feeds while sitting on their toilet while their baby bangs on the door. Understand that, momma.

You’re going to cry, you’re going to raise your voice and your going to learn. Please remember that. You’re learning just as much as you are teaching your child. You will learn more about yourself, life and love than you can possibly imagine, and just when you think you’re done learning, you will learn some more.

Some days will just drag on and on. You’ll feel like giving up, and when you finally catch that break you’ve been waiting for — you miss it. You miss the chaos, the footsteps, the giggles, and the feeling of being needed and unconditionally loved. Still, I urge you to enjoy your moment. Do something for you, and embrace the fact that you’re a mom and basically a superhero.

Skip the laundry, take a real shower and just breathe, because before you know it, you’ll be running back to those little stinkers you call your own.

A version of this post originally appeared on Four East.

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Originally published: June 18, 2015
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