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If Someone Has Made You Believe You Are Unworthy of Love, Please Read This

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I am no stranger to awful relationships. From the guy who forgets anniversaries, to the guy who spreads lies and starts rumors because he was broken up with. As a result, over the years I’ve had some pretty terrible things said to me.

These are some of the milder of the negative things I have been told by people I’ve been in relationships with:

  • Being with me was like buying a used car before checking under the hood. (In reference to opening up about my disabilities.)
  • I am only good for [insert pretty much anything here].
  • I’m cute for a fat girl.
  • I’m cute for a girl with disabilities.
  • If I ever weigh over 250lbs, he will leave me.
  • The way I dress, dye my hair, wear my makeup is obviously for attention.
  • I’m not allowed to wear [insert article of clothing].
  • I’m not allowed to talk to [insert person here].
  • I am not worth the trouble.
  • I am too stupid to go to college or get a job.
  • I am too stupid to realize I was being cheated on.
  • I will never become successful.
  • I am a drama queen. (In response to pain due to my chronic illnesses.)
  • My [insert body part] is ugly.
  • “I can do better than you.”
  • “You’re smart, but I wish you were pretty too.”
  • “I wish you were more like my ex.”
  • I’m a good “second choice” or “backup girl.”
  • I am only good for making others jealous.
  • “You should be happy I even wanted to be with you, no one else would.”
  • I am too damaged to be loved.

And finally,

“This is the best you’ll ever get.”

That last one is the biggest lie anyone can ever tell you. I am sharing all this with you because, someone out there needs to hear this:

I don’t care who you are or what mistakes you have made in life.

You are worth so much more than someone who would ever say or do any of this to you. You are beautiful. You are worth love. Do not allow let the ugliness of these words darken your heart or conquer your self-esteem.

You are worthy of being treated kindly.

I wish so much that I had someone back then to tell me all these things weren’t true. Please, let me be that person for you. If you are involved with someone like this, please, as soon as you are able, get out. Remove yourself from the situation. You can do better. You need to do better.

I still struggle with this every day. There are times I hear someone tell me I’m beautiful, I am kind, I am worthy of love, and I can’t believe them because the memories are too loud. Self-love is the answer. Learn to love yourself and learn to distinguish the lies from the truth. Elevate yourself.

You are not perfect, you never will be. That is OK. That doesn’t mean you are unworthy of love.

You may make mistakes. You do not deserve to be torn down for them. A gentle, loving nudge – a suggestion something may be wrong that comes from a place of genuine concern is all that is necessary from someone who loves you. There is a massive difference between someone lovingly, gently, critiquing you and completely tearing you to shreds.

You deserve to be loved for who you are. Flaws and all. Any corrections to yourself you feel need to be made should come from a desire to better yourself, for yourself. Don’t ever let other people make you feel like you aren’t good enough.

It isn’t easy. But trust me, do it.

It will sometimes feel like a lie… but do it. Scream at yourself that you are worth it every day in the mirror if you have to. Write “I AM BEAUTIFUL” on a piece of paper a thousand times if it helps you remember. Do it all until you start to believe it is real. Love yourself, treat your body like the amazing temple it is. Nourish it along with your mind, heart, and soul. Find your happiness in yourself and seek no reassurance elsewhere.

You deserve love. Even if you are the only person who tells you that, believe it.

We are all deserving of love, despite our abilities, how we look, what we wear, the mistakes we’ve made, or how we choose to cope with our existence. Let no one convince you otherwise.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Image by Gala2205

Originally published: October 19, 2016
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