When We Fight With Our Lovers, Can a Relationship Counselor Help?

The honeymoon phase

Do you believe in love at first sight? How about soulmates? Some people feel that love is the answer to being happy, and this isn’t out of the question. But relationships are not all about love. They are about seeing things from the other person’s perspective and being able to work through problems. Of course, it would be nice if the honeymoon phase lasted forever, but once you’ve discovered what you love about the other person that’s when things get real. People start revealing their true selves as opposed to being on their best behavior. After you’re comfortable with someone you may begin to let out a lot more, sometimes in the literal sense like farting in bed with your partner present. In all seriousness, being emotionally vulnerable with your lover is the next stage after infatuation, and that takes bravery and trust.

Relationships problems are normal

Even in the happiest relationships, there are challenges, whether that has to do with communication issues, intimacy problems, infidelity or struggling to strengthen your relationship so that you can prepare for the long-haul — for example, marriage. Here’s where a relationship counselor can guide you and your partner toward the happiest relationship possible. Relationship counselors are trained to help couples see what their core issues are, and help them work these problems out in therapy. Your connection isn’t a failure because you are seeking counseling — you’re taking steps to heal or strengthen your bond, so you have better chances of maintaining a long-term partnership. Despite what you see on social media, nobody in a relationship is happy all the time. You would be surprised at how many couples are struggling to stay together behind closed doors. They may not be open about their problems, but nobody’s relationship is perfect. We all have episodes of sadness, anger, and frustration in relationships (put merely). This often looks like “fighting.”

Disagreements can be healthy

Fighting is a pejorative term for having a disagreement or argument. It’s natural to disagree with your partner, but the actions you take to resolve the debate are essential. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to see things from your partner’s point of view, you may not be able to understand how they feel. That doesn’t mean that you have to hold resentment towards them. You can tell your lover, “Though I don’t understand, I respect your right to your opinion and I will try to think about this further.” You don’t have to resolve a disagreement instantly. Sometimes we need to sit on an argument and come back to it when both of you have had a chance to cool down. If a fight or disagreement gets heated, it’s imperative that you both take a break to calm down.

Relationship counselors help couples communicate

Optimally, you will be able to see matters from your partner’s point of view, but that may be hard. A relationship counselor’s job is to be the translator between you and your partner if you’re having trouble understanding the other person. You know how you feel because you are you. However, if you’re having trouble understanding why your partner feels the way that they do, a relationship counselor can support you in learning how your lover feels. For example, let’s say your partner says, “I don’t like when you ignore me after I text you.” You don’t understand what they’re talking about because you don’t feel like you’re ignoring them. You can’t respond instantly sometimes because you’re busy with work or get distracted, but you’re not ignoring them. Though you’ve tried to explain this to your lover, they still don’t hear you. A relationship counselor can bridge the gap and translate what you’re trying to say. At the end of this conversation, hopefully, your partner doesn’t feel ignored, but instead recognizes that your lack of response isn’t personal, they are busy doing other things and will get back to you when they can. Also, their lack of an instant response doesn’t have to do with a lack of caring or love. That’s often a miscommunication amongst a partner who wants to hear back from their loved one quickly.

Getting help for your relationship

If you’re considering seeing a mental health professional who can help you and your partner, a relationship counselor is an excellent option. Whether you work with a therapist in your area or meet with an online relationship counselor, this individual’s goal is the same: to support you and your partner in maintaining a stable, loving relationship.