OvercomeAnxity

I am so mad. Not just mad. I’m pissed. You straight up lied to me. To my face. I asked you and you lied and I not only believed you but you lied for three weeks. I had to ask you to call me to get you to tell the truth. You are a coward and you don’t deserve my love. You have lost that along with my respect. I have defended you. I have lied for you. I have trusted you and forgiven you so many times. When you were drunk, I forgave you. When you lied, I forgave you. When you broke my heart, I forgave you. I am still going to forgive you, but for myself. So I can move on and be happy. I know that true joy lies with the Lord, but you made me believe that I could find some of that in you. I now know that you never meant anything you said. I don’t know if you tried to change and couldn’t or you were just faking it from the beginning, but either way you are not worth my time or energy. I have wasted too much of those things on someone who doesn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve it. What’s sad is that I’m still trying to make excuses for you and stand up for you but I couldn’t see you any clearer that I do right now. You are a coward who doesn’t give crap about me. You chose yourself, you chose to follow your evil, deceitful heart and be selfish, instead of being truthful and honorable to your sister in Christ who has tried too hard to keep you. I tried to keep you safe. I tried to keep you warm and loved. I tried to show you God’s love and compassion. I tried. You kicked me to the curb. You left me on a hanger in your closet just to see if you could fit with me again. You lied. You cheated. You broke my heart. But you know who’s gonna pick up those pieces? My God. The God who shows me endless compassion and grace. The God who sent his son to die for me. My father who loves me no matter what. I pray that you find and know the same love one day. I pray that you open yourself up to listening and living for Him. #Anxiety #Depression #strengthwithin #MyGodissobig #OvercomeAnxity #HappinessCanBeFoundEvenInTheDarkestOfTimesIfOnlyOneRemembersToTurnOnTheLight #iwillbehappyagain

As I try to begin writing this thought/post, I couldn’t even come up with a decent title. Tells you how deep anxiety goes when you can’t even write a title for your thoughts. But still here I am writing a post, my first post/thought.

I’ve been dealing with anxiety all my life but I never knew what it was until I was in graduate school. I thought I always always weird or just someone who talks way too much. But then feel like why did I say all of that stuff, especially to people I don’t know. Or, why do I try so hard to interact with people and/or like me. That’s when I found out, I have social anxiety and just in general. I’ve probably tossed away relationships and friendships without realizing it. But, I try to not let it control me. Don’t get me wrong, some days are worse than others. But, I try to start each day like a new one and try to control my while it doesn’t control me. My goal I guess now in life is to just be there for others who suffer as well and just lend an ear and let them know that “hey! I deal with this too! How can I be there for you?” Just being able to listen and understand what that person is dealing with can help in so many ways. That’s why I think I need to start just advocating that mental illness is not something to belittle or throw away, it’s something we as humans deal with. I also want to be there for others in a big way as well and just open something, a FB Page, a website, or something just to be there for people that I know personally, or someone who’s looking for help. To me, my isn’t who I am, but it’s apart of me and just something I have to overcome. But I know one thing is for sure, it won’t control my life or my destiny #Anxiety #OvercomeAnxity

To the ex who I tried to hold on to

When your anxiety can’t let you make a decent title #Anxiety

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