PHN

Hey! My name is Mandy. I am 49 years old. I have post herpetic neuralgia (PHN) from an internal shingles outbreak over 7 years ago. (I did have a small rash but nothing equal to the pain.) I have lived with severe chronic nerve pain ever since all over my left side, front & back and top to bottom. The medicine, the medical world on top of my own emotions and just total loss has been crazy!
I am so thankful to still be here and that I have some familial sulport. I am starting to find ways to combat the anxiety and depression that i denied for so long. I've also been denied disability so many times. I've tried to work 3 separate times...at just about 2 year intervals. Still, even with medicine additions, everything I do, I pay for in pain. I will not give up though! It takes all I can to take care of my basic needs but I am thankful for even just that. I spent almost 2 years totally bedridden. I now live in a camper on my dad's land. I am now able to go spend the night at my daughter's house and spend time with my grandson occasionally. I have been able to work on the artwork I so love & it has been therapy for me.
And though these things are enjoyed VERY sparingly due to this monster pain, these things bring me great joy. They make me smile just thinking about it. I do want to do more as i feel my contribution to life is so minimal but i push those thoughts away & try to make the time i do get special.
I have followed The Mighty for several years now. I have written so much in my journals for all of these years and have never shared it ni feel like its time and this is the place. #PHN #post Herpetic Neuralgia #chronic pain #chronic nerve pain

Today has been one of those days where I've fallen into a dark dark place. It's actually been this way for a few days now I'm also affected by the weather and it's been super gloomy and my pain acts up from not having the sun. I went back through some old pictures today of myself before my chronic pain began and it's amazing how in five years I've aged so rapidly. Even the past year I've declined in the way I look and the Amount of weight I've put on from pain and not being able to exercise. Today I've been just in bed the whole day wishing life would end and contemplating any reason to live. I only have one and that is my cat who is dependent on me as she is a senior kitty. She's my only "baby" and I've had her since she was three months old and she is almost 20 years old. How do you all of you get through really low days once you don't want to go on with life?
#ChronicPain #post herpetic neuralgia #PHN

I think unless someone suffers from chronic pain they truly do not understand what we go through on a daily basis. I've had friends tell me to just think positive go out for a walk do yoga or meditation. The reality is I cannot even move my right arm and shoulder so some days getting out of bed and taking a shower and washing my hair is a huge accomplishment. I'd love to be able to hike and kayak and take long drives to the beach like I used to love. Now I find myself a prisoner in my own home and Covid hasn't helped because of my week immune system I have been isolated since March. I'm single and although I do you have friends none of them suffer from pain. Thanks so much for listening -any advice on how to get through tough days?