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    Zero Love & Belonging for me & now my body is continually rejecting me with new diseases too. Pain vs Suffering

    This is my “BEAUTIFUL FAMILY”; My daughter-38 and older husband and his son to the left. To the right, my Diamond, her daughter, then new daughter in law and son (20). I should say my grandchildren, right. When? I had to begin going behind her back to see my Diamond when she is with her father. Then severe Long CoVid caused Dysautonomia, a big car accident where I got off pretty well- except my vision was damaged even more and Dysautonomia made even worse. I fainted every day for awhile. The 20yr old harmed me last & most 2 weeks after his 18th birthday, just a few days before mine. His mother hugged and consoled me. Made him move out. She didn’t come right back as promised. She went tanning for 4 days on a boat with an ex & still blames me 100%— again!
    That beautiful young man I have always loved like my own was raised to hate me once his mom became jealous. He is gone now too. First he cleverly acted to cause me to be deleted from THE family holiday celebration.

    My daughter sent me this photo after Thanksgiving. I had to call truce due to a tragedy in a woman’s life. Still, she avoided me entire month to avoid a conversation about Thanksgiving. She made herself Matron of the family. I am the ONLY adult my age (58) or older who’s child didn’t do something for them to honor them for the holiday.

    It does not occur to her that all I can see is everyone’s joy as long as I am absent. My mom disowned me for being disabled years and years ago, and my sister left drugs finally to take my place with Mom. She even removed every single picture out of the picture albums shoved them in an empty kids chalk plastic container and gave them to my daughter who left them with her ex. He dumped them on my front porch. Imagine that mind bend!! That was who my holiday anchor was until I was disabled and she uninvited me year after year and then nothing.
    Before or maybe not long after the incident with my grandson I directly asked my daughter, “Do I have love and belonging with you?” Her, “What do you mean!!??” I just repeated it palms up. Her, “I don’t know what to say. This feels like some kind of trick.” she said suspiciously. I was aghast. I was on the verge of tears and turning around, “No Blank. It is just that. I want to know if I have love and belonging with you.” And she answered me plainly. “Then No. You don’t.” This has come up and she has never changed it. I suppose I have a relationship because of my Diamond girl and maybe because she reaches out to me and says she loves me because I’m always here for her. Nope. Codependency left the building couple years ago. I have even had her on no contact for my sanity and lost the girl.

    My depression is so deep I can barely take a breath right now. I want to be loved and to know belonging before I die.
    I wake in #Pain everyday. My fourth CoVid caused my #longcovid to go Primal on me. BA.5 is not like the rest, honest. I finally turned to my alternative Dr herbal Chinese Medicine. I have a Master’s in Nursing and know know know that Western medicine might be covered but is also prescribing black label medications for chronic pain without the deep discussion patients deserve. My own mother in law suffered a stroke as a result of this. They added a black box label, but who explains that it even tells people? See-I’m so #angry . So I gotta pay $$$ out of Disability and $$ monthly for livability. From disability have a tea special made for me 3 times a day that controls my chronic pain enough to move in the house and such. It’s great. Still NO ONE understands that #ChronicPain or weakness, or just can’t either. Major #Depression is when I start to cry. Severe Depression is when I stop crying. Sometimes I start thinking and sometimes I stop. It is much scarier if I start. Pain is tolerable, #suffering is not, and #chronicsuffering is the most brutal of all.
    This Grief I bear, of having NEVER had #belonging once I was also #Abandoned by my poor child that I gave all my limited resources to, I died inside. I substantially failed and raised a daughter who is compassion and empathy challenged. I don’t remember being taught to call my grandparents. I didn’t teach my daughter to. My mom is brutal. Oddly, my daughter repeats her and has barely known her?
    My last straw today is a roommate who played the second mom, daughter who loves you, won’t abandon you card. I didn’t buy it. It’s talk. But I thought she could at least be a civil roommate. She walks in and out of the place without a word. Just jumps on that ABANDONED button as hard as she can! Profanity to the Nines! #Profanity #CPTSD #PTSD #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #AgoraphobiaWithoutHistoryOfPanicDisorder #Grief #longcovid #disposable

    I tried. I don’t have words for what’s happening inside me. This is like Anticipatory grief of a hospice patient you know is gonna pass but we keep holding on and loving them just the same. It all makes the body even harder to manage. Thank you, whoever you are.

    6 reactions 1 comment

    Pain Meds Online Without Prescription" w w w . alphabayrx . c o m ".

    Hello everyone, you can get your ADHD and pain relief medications online without prescription at Alphabay Rx( ).#Pain #ChronicPain #Pain #ChronicPain #Depression

    3 reactions 1 comment

    Making sense

    Honestly, there isn't much to write. It's hard for me to articulate my thoughts or express what I feel. People say that I show a lot of emotions but it is ironic cause those aren't the complete extent of my emotions (?).
    I tried expressing an extreme discomfort/neglect that I have been feeling to a loved one today because they went on and on about communication. They started getting annoyed? Idk. Like, as if I am the problem. This isn't a one time thing. I should have learned from experience rather assume they changed.
    I love them. I honestly do. They do a lot to help me and do so much more than I can explain. But for some reason they don't see th growth in me. They ignore that I have changed as a person and that my emotions have also changed. I'm just the kid who is sick a lot and kinda did good in studies but otherwise pretty much an insecure person to them. I don't know if it's my fault or if it's something else. I feel less like a person as days go by.
    I have a lot of pain (mentally and physically) but it's dulled because of how insignificant I have been made to feel. I don't have a lot actual support system. There are people who listen but that is different from bring a solid support (does that make sense?)
    Maybe I am the problem. They kept going on and on about how I always make everything seem negative.
    The only person who genuinely took an effort to understand my emotional state is far away so it is even harder on me.

    Funny hoe I wrote a lot even though I typed that I won't have much 🤣

    #CheckInWithMe #ChronicDepression #Depression #Pain

    5 reactions 2 comments
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    True or False: I feel like my rheumatologist makes time for me.

    Mighty fam, we’ve heard from so many of you about the relationship you have with your doctor and how important it is. For some of you, your rheumatologist is the only one who provides space for you to just "be." For others, finding time to communicate with your doctor is a frustrating experience.

    Have you ever felt rushed by your doctor during an appointment? Share whether the above statement feels true or false to you in the comments below. (And if you feel up to it, tell us why!)

    #RheumatoidArthritis #Pain #PainManagement #ChronicIllness #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #Disability #Fibromyalgia #MentalHealth

    9 reactions 3 comments

    14 years and no solution #ChronicPain

    So I have 2 kids. They are 1 year and 3 weeks apart. Exactly. My eldest was my hardest delivery, my youngest was my hardest pregnancy.

    During the delivery of my daughter my BP was rising very high. The doctors had me on petosin, and fluids and morphine that was supposed to help me sleep.
    Oh that did not help.
    So right at 7cm dilated, I was given an interthecal. The needle was in my back rubbing on my static nerve when my uterus decided to cramp so hard my back was in spasms, and the needle bent. I was in so much pain until that kicked in all the way.
    Then after a horrible delivery, 3 days in the hospital, and so many "Oh so cutes" I was headed home when a new pain started.
    Imagine a white hot pain, like a fuse to a firecracker, driving up your spine, through your neck, through your pelvic floor, down your legs, into your head, into your feet, and exploding like a firework.
    That hit as I topped my stairs on my way into my apartment.
    I had never experienced a pain so intense, child labor was great in comparison. I fell to my knees and screamed. I crawled into my apartment and laid on the couch crying until my mom had finished getting my daughter in her bassinet.
    I kept saying I would be okay, but every movement was like fire igniting all over, from my static.
    I was told it would go away over time. I was told the nerves are not bad, there is no "deep injury" visible on X-ray.
    My doctor treated me like I was faking it for 5 years, talked bad about me to people she was treating ahead of me, called me a drug addict when there were zero "recreational" drugs in my system for multiple blood tests.
    I was doctor shamed into hiding a pain for so long that I became accustomed to it.
    Now it is just as painful, but I roll my eyes and breathe deep as the days and days of pain set in over my head, pelvis, back, neck, and chest.
    I feel like screaming so much.
    #ChronicPain #InvisibleIllness #Pain #Doctors


    Post mastectomy #Surgery #Recovery #breast #Pain #exhaustion #Cancer

    I’d love to hear from others.
    I had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction on the first of the month
    I still have JP drains
    I still have a ton of pain
    I still have no appetite
    My intestines are still sore and bleeding
    I’m still so so weak
    Is this normal? What should I do


    Told I have endometriosis again

    Hey friends in need of desperate advice as doctors are being confusing and I am at a loss with my health.

    I am in big pain that has just been getting worse for the past 3 months. Endo has been thrown around in the past but not much came of it, now after having my first baby everything changed. I have been having constant cramps, and mix of constipation and liquid stool and like running to the washroom in pain. Now I moved to the okanagan and got a new DR but don't know what to do to get the help I need. They are nor taking me seriously.

    In September I went to the ER my stomach looked like I was in my 4th trimester and I said I presumed endo belly, nobody had no idea what that was and said that endo pain only happens when you mensrate.

    I have been in extream pain since. Now I have lost weight, and like seriously need help but all I get is Tylnol.

    Oh I did a bunch of lab work done, and my iron count is 7..... along with low hemoglobin.

    I guess this is more of a vent I am tired, loosing weight being told to go on all kinds of diets... I just need help like really bad. I can barley sleep anymore. #Cronic #Pain #Endometriosis #chrohns


    Pain control

    #Pain control. I'm new. I have fibro and osteoarthritis. I have no friends to talk to for support. My husband and two sons seem blind to what I'm going through. I've had over 20 surgeries on top of everything else. I would love to hear how some of you cope with the pain or what you do to get the pain off your mind. The best thing I've found is snuggling with one of my dogs and talking to them. They are very good listeners but don't contribute much to the conversation. Thank God for my sense of humor. It's helped me out at some very hard times.

    1 comment

    #Pain medications

    NSaids hurt my stomach due to GERD. Tylenol, by itself, does little for my pain. Now I am addicted to Percocet. It doesn’t work for my pain after a tolerance has been reached. I really feel a lot of us deal with nerve pain. Gabapentin? It hasn’t been helped. Any suggestions?

    7 reactions 8 comments