chronic

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Maybe Self-pitying, But True. Comments Welcome! #cerebral palsy, #chronic pain, #Depression , #anhedonia

I don't know what this is. I mean, I do but...well, the thing is, I hate my life. There's nothing new, nothing adventurous - just so-called "real life" - and I hate "real life"!

All I really do is wake up in pain, shower (when I can), get dressed, walk down the street to the restaurant I have breakfast in (I hate eating in my apartment- hate it!), am overwhelmed with more pain, walk back up the street trying not to fall on my face because of my balance (I have mild cerebral palsy) and am in pain. Sounds boring, doesn't it? It is! Although, I will say...I get the feeling that I'm losing my train of thought with all of this. Trying to get it all done so everyone's happy, everything's in place, being wherever everyone else wants me. When is anyone going to do that for me? My answer would be - never!

I'm a loner. Always have been, always will be. I enjoy being alone - I'm much more relaxed when I'm alone. So why do people insist on bothering me? I'm also a bit of a misanthrope. I don't hate anyone, I just want to be left alone!

What does this have to do with anything? All that I've written above, except the bits about being a loner and misanthrope causes pain. Throbbing pain. The kind of pain where I have to lay down and wait until the pain passes.

I feel like I'm wasting my life. Who am I kidding? I AM wasting my life, doing nothing for myself and everything for everyone else. It causes pain, my friends, pain! I'm dreading going back to the apartment and reading a book and I like the book - well, sort of. I need to rethink everything, I believe. Where the hell did that come from? It's true, but...my mind wanders about - must be my ADHD.

Ah, well - I'll stop now. I could go on, but I've said enough for now. I'd like to continue this kind of post though, at some point. I don't know!

Two more things...
1) From the title, people are going to be reading this and be totally confused.
2) If you're wondering what I mean by being a loner, check out Robert Redford in the film "Jeremiah Johnson" (1972). I'm not looking to be a mountain man, but I think you'll get the idea. That's if you're interested.

You know something? I'm hungry for a roast beef sandwich! Hopefully, the Shipt order will be here soon! YIPPIE!

(edited)
5 reactions 2 comments
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Thanks For this forum #EhlersDanlosSyndrome

This Forum and its many avenues to go down are very very helpful to me and it just keeps improving. Recently someone asked about tooth brushing and how you deal with that. Every time I floss and brush my teeth it makes me feel so good. We were very poor when I was younger and I didn’t have a toothbrush till I was about 12! And I have weak enamel so my teeth need extra TLC. I always feel prettier after I brushed and flossed. It’s something I can be in control of. #chronic pain

2 reactions 1 comment
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A Little Prose (form my journal to you all)

MY SOUL

Home is my body

Air is my breath

Emotions are my humanity.

My body cries out for relief

My breath is strained

My humanity wants rest

MY SOUL CRIESS OUT FOR MERCY...

It wants to go home to HEAVEN

How long the wait?

Whisper Lady

#Depression #chronic pain #Anxiety #Suicide thoughts #mental health

4 reactions 3 comments
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Fatigue

Tired all the time nothing works have no energy hard to do anything even basic. Beyond the pain it's biggest issue prevent me from living. What do I do??#Erythromelalgia #Anxiety #chronic illness

79 reactions 17 comments
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Beaten Down

#chronic illness #chronic pain #Anxiety #Depression #many more Hello Mighty Peeps. Wow, my last 24 hours has been just about more than I have been able to handle. Like all of you I am already struggling daily. *Another one of my family members has disowned me because I mentioned a certain person in our last phone call. Blocked me from EVERYTHING. *I had an email argument with the Abilities Council when I called them out for lying to me. *Yesterday afternoon two of my neighbours (I live in a seniors building) ran me right into the ground, b*tch*ing about me; all lies, all wrong, even ridiculous (I am not trying to break the shared washer by doing 32 loads of laundry a month), but nasty and evil. Guessed they didn't know I could hear them so I recorded them, ha.*I received a letter for a specialist appointment for early morning when I specifically stated, twice, that I need an afternoon appointment due to disabilities, the fact that I need time to get to the city, and I need a driver which is easier to find in the afternoon. What did they do... gave me and early appt. I called to reschedule, listened to a voice message, the place is closed for the next 2 weeks. *Someone I know, not close, just passed away. *Please make it stop!!!! is my only thought. Trying to work my way out...

4 reactions 3 comments