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To the Supposed People of God Who Abused Me as a Child

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Don’t we all want freedom? I’m letting go of my fear of the future because of the trauma from my past. You’re supposed to look up to your elders, not be lured into darkness for their pleasure. To rob a child of their innocence is a decision with consequences beyond your control. I don’t forgive you, but I’ve taken my power back.

• What is PTSD?

As one of my heroes, my big sister, said, “I’ve cried enough tears to supply water to Flint.” It took me over two decades to love myself. Many long nights questioning what’s right and wrong, confused about my sexuality. I’ve compartmentalized so much trauma that what I used to believe were dreams were really memories. With too many suicide attempts to count, I feel I’m alive for a greater purpose. With labels like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety and epilepsy floating above me, I still look in the mirror proud of the man I’ve become. I’m a King because I say so. I went to war and fought my way across the border from self-hate to pure love. I became the man my abusers have always feared.

Supposed people of God, leaders in the community and other cowards bathing in wickedness, understand that the universe always finds balance. You’re no match for the force of the cosmos and the karma awaiting to devour your soul. In my mind, I’ve hurt you a million times but I’ve learned patience. The clock is ticking on your inevitable demise.

To the young souls across the globe, you aren’t alone. To the ones crying every night blaming yourselves for the pain another caused you, It is not your fault. You are a hero because you’re a survivor. I’m here, I love you, and I want you to bury fear and embrace freedom. I’ll always be a loud voice for others, but I want you to have a voice too. Take that pain and transform it into power. You are powerful. You are the light in all of this darkness. Now shine.

Unsplash photo via Sherroid Valentin

Originally published: August 11, 2018
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