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Sexual Child Abuse Is Not Just an Action

There is something I would like to tell you all. Actually, I wanted to tell you since “Leaving Neverland” landed on the internet. But it’s a hard, explosive and very triggering topic, so be warned.

Child sexual abuse is not an action.

Child sexual abuse is not a penetration.

Not a touch.

Child sexual abuse is, in fact, an intention. A context.

A weird vibe of romantic relationship between a child and a close adult. That’s where it all begins. And believe me, it can stop there. Enough for a horrible trauma one would be bearing for the rest of his/her life.

Child sexual abuse is not feeling safe, not having a safe childhood. Never. Always in control, always vigilant about what will be if you let this control go. It is feeling like a prey amongst the predators. Child sexual abuse is forever having that gross feeling, not only about those who did it to you, but also about any type of closeness, intimacy.

There is no actual map of what actions are considered sexual abuse and what are not. It may be weird looks the person gives you. It may be “accidentally” entering the bathroom while you shower. It may be being over-invested in your other relationships. It may be even a word, but said in a certain tone.

And that’s exactly why I choose to believe the survivors of Michael Jackson’s abuse. I mean, I don’t know what really happened there. But see, there are facts. His relationships with kids were too close, lacking what would be considered “normal” boundaries. It seems like some toxic bullshit was going on there. And the bed-sharing, which is a fact. See, when a loving parent shares a bed with his baby-ish kid, this may be out of genuine care for the kid’s emotional well-being. Context is what makes a serious difference. Take toxic bullshit, add bed-sharing and voila, you have a recipe for experiencing the life-long effects of sexual abuse, even if there was no sex.

So, remember that every time you read another post about “where exactly the victim was the day he described he was assaulted.” There doesn’t have to be an assault in order for there to be hurt. And everyone who is hurt that much deserves validation.

Getty image via ipolonina

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