When I Was Excluded From a Relative's Wedding Because of My Service Dog

Why would a marginalized individual willingly discriminate against another marginalized family member?

I am so thrilled for my sister-in-law in finding her person! A person who makes her smile, and makes her dream, and makes her just plain old happy. I was thrilled when they got engaged. I was not thrilled when I was told my service dog could not be with me during the ceremony. I was heartbroken when the next morning I got a text telling me that I would have to attend a 7.5-hour wedding event without my service dog, all because my sister-in-law has two little angry dogs who so poorly trained that they cannot be in the same room without attacking my service dog.

Seriously?

I thought long and hard about how to attend without my service dog. I prayed about it, I researched it, I talked with spiritual advisers, fellow service dog handlers, friends and mentors about it. My overwhelming conclusion is that, for my own well being, I cannot attend.

Federal law (ADA) says I cannot leave my service dog in a hotel room if the hotel does not allow pets to be left in rooms, because she is legally considered medical equipment and therefore expected to be with me at all times.

I have dissociative and panic episodes even in the safety of my own home. Self-harm, pain and terror are some of the effects of these episodes. My service dog helps pull me out of these episodes. She saves my life.

I need her.

Here is part of the text I received from my sister-in-law:

“Luna cannot attend the ceremony or pictures beforehand (4:30–11 p.m.) or the brunch the next morning.”

I was teetering on the wall between self-care and co-dependence about attending when my husband (the bride’s brother) pointed out that she wouldn’t dare do this if my dog was a wheelchair.

Bam! That reality check slammed into like the Mack truck of chronic illness that already slams into me on a daily basis. Except this time, the truck was being driven by people who say they love and care about me, but refuse to respect me and the accommodations I require for my disabilities. In fact, I was lumped into the same box as another family member who demanded other things completely unrelated to disability needs, a person making demands about wishes and wants — not about needs.

And that was the last straw for me.

I am not stating I need my service dog, my federally protected medical equipment, because I am a homophobic jerk who is passively-aggressively lashing out at a child who has perpetually disappointed their parents by the mere fact of their not being straight. I am stating I need my dog at my side because she alerts me when my vertigo is getting too strong and I’m in danger of passing out or falling down. She will not let me dissociate without doing her damnedest to bring me back out of it.

I’m hurt.

I’m angry.

They don’t want to properly train their pets or leave them at home, so I have to attend without my service dog?

That is the definition of ableism right there, isn’t it?