May is mental health awareness month and this is my story….
I don’t remember a time where I didn’t feel different. My grandma was in and out of the hospital for bipolar I disorder and my dad died by suicide. When I was younger, I felt like I had powers that I had to hide. When I truly spoke my mind, people would say that I was “weird” or thinking that way was “crazy” and “dangerous”. So, I tried to conform. I tried my hardest not to stand out, but at times, it was too hard. Last year was the first time I was hospitalized. I was placed under a mental health hold. I was at the hospital for five days and made many friends while in there. When I was released, my mom was both embarrassed and afraid of me. That hurt, but I couldn’t blame her. In Asia, mental health is taboo and you never talk about how you feel to anyone, ever. She since has learned more about mental health and has accepted me for who I am. Before the stay I was on an SSRI and a benzodiazepine, but the doctors at the hospital felt that it was best that I start taking an antipsychotic as well. I’ve tried many therapies including ERP and ACT and I am still working on myself. I hope to one day wake up and not be ashamed of having mental health problems. Remember, that you are not alone and you won’t feel this way forever. Keep going, I believe in you.
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