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A 'Discombobulated' Monologue of a Socially Anxious Individual

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I am my own worst critic. I have been typing and deleting whatever I have typed over the last 25 minutes. Truth be told, I am not even sure if I should continue typing. A thought popped up in my head: “Give up. Whatever you write isn’t going make any sense. People are just going to scoff at what you have written and ridicule you.” I am frozen with fear. Do I go on or not? If I don’t, I will have just wasted the last 25 minutes for nothing. What if people I know see this? What are they going to say? Maybe I should just forget it. Forget this whole idea. What should I do?

I just deleted another sentence. I typed something silly. I really don’t know if I should go through with this. I think I am going to regret this. Thoughts in my head, please go away. Please stop criticizing me.

Breathe in and out.

I feel light-headed, which is ridiculous because I am lying down. My thoughts seem to be racing at a thousand miles per minute, which is also ridiculous. I don’t know what to do. I am exhausted: mentally, physically emotionally depleted.

What can I do when there seems to be a constant war waging within me?

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Photo via Unsplash, by Larm Rmah

Originally published: April 24, 2017
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