I received some news today. The man that fathered me has died. When I first heard the news, I felt like I did when friends would tell me one of their friends or family died. This is the simple feeling that a stranger has died. I haven't seen or spoken with this man in more than 40 years. Never an acknowledgement that I existed, not a single card or letter in my entire life since he left. The last time I saw him was when he lied to the court about his ability to pay child support.
I am not grieving, and I don’t know if that is normal. I feel a bit relieved and energized, as if a weight has been lifted from my back. If I have grief, I will feel it. I have grown up enough to know I have to feel to remain alive. My best guess is I have grieved losing him over my decades of depression. I am at a point in my life that I can now fell my emotions in the moment. #Death #DeadBeat