A Letter for Myself If I Am Seriously Considering Suicide
Listen to me, to us, for a moment. I know how much pain you’re in. I can still remember it even now. And I know right now you’ll do anything to make it stop.
You’re so empty right now, so hollow, and you’ve stopped caring. What has always held you back before, the affect your death would have on others, no longer matters. But you know, behind the pain, your friends and family would be brokenhearted and distraught, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve talked. They still love you.
And I know you’ve gotten to the point that that doesn’t matter anymore, but please listen to me. Go downstairs and tell Dad. Break down and pour all of this out to him and Mom because they love you more than anything, and I promise you they will help the pain stop, but only if you stop carrying it all by yourself.
You are not nothing. You have never been nothing, and you never will be, despite what anyone says. You are the stars, you are the moon, you are the sun burning with all of this emotion, you will become a dazzling galaxy. You are going to grow and flourish. You are going to get a new diagnosis that will explain everything. You will find out your depression is not permanent. You will realize none of this is your fault. You will start healing. You will change medications a few times. You will start to get better. You will relapse, but you won’t let it stop you because you are strong. You’ll find a treatment that unlocks control in you. You’ll realize you know who you are, that you have always been who you are at your core, and you will love yourself. You will realize one day that you haven’t been suicidal in months.
You will start to explore new passions and talents that will lead to so many more options for your life that you adore. You will become even more brave. You will stand up for others. You will fall for others. You will end relationships and have them ended. You will meet someone by sheer luck who will become so much to you and further your life. You will be happy.
You will learn to ask for help.
You will have this amazing future if you stay.
Your pain will end without your life having to.
Now go downstairs and ask for help because your future is waiting.
I’m waiting for you.
I love you.
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