That dreaded day is quickly approaching NOVEMBER 24TH, 2008....It was a Monday, cold and rainy. It was 9:50am when I walked upstairs in our townhouse to find you lifeless just hanging in our bedroom closet. It didnt seem real to me. It felt like a cruel joke. The shock had set in. I turned and grabbed our 3 year old baby boy and ran to call 911. The first responders arrived so fast it seemed and as I stood there in our kitchen holding our son there was one blonde headed EMT that came over to me and her words were , "I'm so very sorry ma'am but hes gone". I collapsed onto the cold kitchen floor, I felt empty, it was like a piece of me had just died too. Those word the blonde headed EMT spoke just kept going over and over in my head and flashes of seeing you lifeless hanging there were in my head. I grabbed our baby and just cried and cried. My family arrived and it's like I have memories of some of the day but a lot of it is foggy. #worsedayofmylife I had just lost the love of my life, my #loveofalifetime . My whole world just stopped. I didnt know where to even begin to pick up the shattered pieces....time goes on but my love is forever. In 3 days it will be the 10th anniversary of Joshs death and honestly it's still so hard and it feels like it was just yesterday. You learn to live the new life but you never ever forget. It's the hardest and worse experience in life I've ever had. I still dont understand and I'm pretty sure I never will. The whole why question will always be there lingering but i will cherish every single memory we have. I love you Josh.
#suicidewidow #Suicide #survivingaftersuicide #missinghim