Tired of being triggered but glad I can recognize it now. Suicidal thoughts are abundant, self-harm thoughts are abundant, but I have therapy coming up in a couple days, so I keep reminding myself I can talk about it and get whatever help I need at that time. This helps me make it through each day unharmed.
I use the term "crazy" to define how I feel some days. To me, crazy means my thoughts are running around my head faster than the speed of light, I am dissociating in general and probably experiencing derealization, my memory is shot, I am unable to concentrate or focus on anything at all, I'm having visual and auditory hallucinations, my mental illnesses are all competing to be top performer of the day, but I'm aware enough to know I am not able to function and then I start feeling depressed because I am a waste of resources and not worth living.
But I have therapy coming up in a couple days, so maybe I'll tell my therapist about it. Probably not, but it's enough to keep me going, pushing forward, or maybe just sitting still for a while, getting some rest before taking the next step.