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I made the mistake of looking at my dads page on Facebook tonight. In 2018 he walked away from our entire family and my parents got a divorce. I’m 29, and this hit home worse than it would have if I was younger.
You see this was a shock for me because my dad came out as transgender. If he’s done it in a way where he explained himself and what he/ she’d always felt, that would be one thing. But instead of explaining and offering any emotional support to his children he walked away.
He told me and everyone that our family was a coverup for his true self. He called our family and his life a lie. When asked about this he just shrugged and said we were a means to an end. A coverup.
I am still reeling from losing my father because I had no one to bury. He walked away completely. He started a new life with a legal name and gender change. She is now Branwen.
I had to stop following her on social media because it was slowly eating away at me. I was resenting this new person I had no idea who was because I just wanted my dad back.
It’s been 9 months and I’m still a broken pile of pieces. When your world falls apart and everything you know is shaken to its core, how do you fix it?
How do you go on thinking that what values you were raised with were ever right when one of the central people that taught you those values lied to you your entire life?
I have no body to grieve. I wasn’t able to lay him to rest. He still exists in my world and it’s excruciating because I just want a hug from my Dad. But he no longer exists.
I don’t resent the decision he/ she made to become their true self. I resent never receiving an apology for being told over the phone, and being told that our family was a coverup and never made them happy.
I feel so lost and lonely. #transparents
