3 Things I Need as I Live Life Undiagnosed
In between pregnancies I have continued my chronic illness treatment journey. Some options available to me were a little riskier while pregnant, but some symptoms would vanish while pregnant. It has been an ebb and flow of symptoms over the last five years. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I have had trouble with providers and insurance from time to time, which hinders the diagnostic process. So along the way I have found myself being creative with my energy, due to the mystery of being undiagnosed.
1. I need a good start to the day with my kids.
It doesn’t matter how well I prepare to wake up at the same times as them, I am a sack of sand in the morning. I have tried rising before them, but in all honesty, chronic fatigue doesn’t get out of bed without incentive. Giving my body a chance to wake up slowly, while they begin stirring, is a gift to myself. So we began leaving granola bars and apple sauce pouches in the hall for our toddlers. Yes, yes, it’s messy sometimes…but this gives me a chance to rise without being angry or reactive.
2. I need to do something meaningful as an individual.
Lacking energy for more than “just a season” can leave you feeling unaccomplished or resentful of your circumstances. No matter your personality type, a prolonged hiatus from chasing your dreams or goals is depressing. I sit down with my husband and discuss my vision for the future. For example, why do I want to write? It makes me feel connected and useful. It feels meaningful. So my vision would be, “I want to connect in a useful way by sharing meaningful things with others.” (What would your vision be?)
3. I want a kick-ass marriage.
I want weekly date nights, I want late night talks, I want a healthy sex life, etc… but chronic fatigue makes our life look different than we would like it to. This is another great moment to create a vision, rather than just a plan. A healthy marriage is in the eyes of the beholders. There is no golden standard. There is no one way to achieve this. Using where I am, rather than where I want to be, brings us closer together. We put the kids to bed at a punctual time, we buy wine and chocolate for one another, we check in with one another earlier in the evening to gauge energy levels for intimacy, etc…communication and consideration make a kick-ass marriage.
It is not how I envisioned adulthood, marriage or motherhood, but this is my only life. Everyday I get to choose who I want to be, and I choose it over and over. I forgive the annoyance and frustrations that come with my limits; these feelings do not define me any more than my health does. Small, intentional choices have made a huge difference in my day to day life. I may not be able to keep up with who I thought I would be, but I’m doing my best with the situation I’ve been dealt.
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Gettyimage by: Gajus
Tab Moura is an advocate for the sick and underprivileged, public speaker on emotional intelligence, artist, emotional coach, mentor and coffee buddy. Living with EDS, Hypotonia, POTS, MVP and Endometriosis, raising kids with ASD, Apraxia and EDS, it's always an adventure in their household. Feel free to message her and request articles on topics that you want to hear more about!
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