Hi guys, Im new here. I thought I would make my first post today as I'm actively going through it. thats me in that pic, a recent pic where i felt pretty :) I feel like this is the final stretch in a fight I wasn't even aware I was in. I've looked for professional support but ig the NHS is a bit overwhelmed right now bc I'm being tugged around. the people involved in my care have just left me to it, despite the fact that im in crisis. i have no support, no resources, no tools, they havent even given me a number to call. my therapist ignored my messages when i told her i was and have been suicidal and self harming again. then it seems that she reported me as a missing person without ever trying to contact me back. its strange. i feel like i have no one in my corner. in my personal life, i have no close friends, no partner, im estranged from my family. i feel isolated and not even like a human being. everybody expects me to just find some way to just get on with it but i literally can't do this by myself anymore. i find it so hard to take care of my physical needs: eating, sleeping, showering, drinking fluids. ive lost so much weight (weight i cant really afford to lose) and i feel so sick and tired all the time now. i was crying for about 2-3 hours at 3am this morning just thinking about how i have to keep eating and drinking even though i have no desire to. im not enjoying food like i used to and that saddens me so much. im just eating because i have to. sleeping because i have to. drinking water bc i have to. occasionally dragging myself to the shower bc i have to. i live alone. i dont have anyone to talk to, not even someone to make me a cup of tea. i have to sit there by myself for hours before i can finally find the energy to maybe boil the kettle. then i'll sit down for ages and find the energy to pour out the water into a cup. then i sip the tea eventually and its good... then its not. just like eating. i take one bite and i finally feel like i can crush the whole plate... then its gone. i feel so angry all the time bc i just need someone to see that i need physical support. i need actual support and help, not just a listening ear. i can talk and talk and talk but im running on empty and if things continue like this, im actually going to die. i dont think i want to die. but i just cant live like this, im not actually living, im just keeping myself alive and there is no joy or comfort in that at all. it just hurts. my heart feels heavy and every beat feels so laboured. i cant do everything alone, nobody can. but i need hugs. i need affection. i need company. i need someone to help me tidy my environment, even if they were just sitting there. i need help with food and cooking. i need someone to remind me to drink water before i become really dehydrated. i need help with clean clothes. i need such basic basic help but no one will give it to me. i can't figure out why and it makes me wonder if im a burden or if im expecting too much of othe