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    I'm turning 65 next month, and just yesterday they added ASD (Autism) to my permanent medical record.

    I've written before about how I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for a few decades, and the therapies and various prescription medicines never helped me. In fact, they nearly killed me.

    In my last year on the meds, I got lithium toxicity, and was rushed to a trauma center a hundred miles from home, and spent a week in ICU. That was the autumn of 2021, and I am still recovering now in February 2023.

    Yesterday I saw my third psychiatrist in a row who told me I had never been bipoloar, but I am Autistic. This time he put it all on paper, and entered it into my medical records. I guess that means it's official. Or maybe 'I' am official? Nah. I'm still just me.

    I never had an inkling that I might be Autistic before sometime last summer, when I read a story in The Mighty by someone who found out accidentally that she was Autistic while she was having one of her children tested and assessed. When she described her life and her challenges, she sounded to me like she was describing my own life.

    From that point onward, I started reading everything that I could get my hands on about the Autism Spectrum.

    Then there were the internet tests, the books with tests, and finally talking to doctors and to Autistics.

    Eventually, I was convinced beyond any reason of a doubt that I myself was, and am Autistic. Thereafter, I brought it up with my psychiatrist, and it took off from there.

    That brings me back to yesterday, and the third psychiatrist to agree, and who added it into my medical record.

    Now if I can get my General Practitioner to remove the bipolar label from my record there, I will feel like I can finally relax a little.

    I don't have a problem with bipolar in itself. I just have a major problem with being misdiagnosed for decades and spending the bulk of my money on therapy and prescriptions that kept me physically exhausted and in a heavy mental fog for decades, and didn't help me in any way. I feel like the majority of my life was wasted.

    So to have the label removed from my records is removing a constant painful reminder of all the life that I missed in my youth and middle age.

    I am going to spend the rest of my years as a happy, grateful Autistic old dude. Peace be with you all.

    #Autistic #actuallyautistic #audhd #ADHD #Autism #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismAcceptance #Stimming #Dysgraphia #dyscalcula #pathologicaldemandavoidance #PDA #AutisticInertia #AutisticBurnout
    #EFD #ExecutiveFunctionDisorder #executivedysfunction #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #RSD
    #ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #rad #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MDD #Dysthymia #Specialinterest
    #Hyperfocus #hypervigilant #SensoryOverstimulation #SensoryIssues #SensoryPain


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    Feeling like the final boss fight #y #BPD #MentalHealth #Depression #executivedysfunction #Support

    Hi guys, Im new here. I thought I would make my first post today as I'm actively going through it. thats me in that pic, a recent pic where i felt pretty :) I feel like this is the final stretch in a fight I wasn't even aware I was in. I've looked for professional support but ig the NHS is a bit overwhelmed right now bc I'm being tugged around. the people involved in my care have just left me to it, despite the fact that im in crisis. i have no support, no resources, no tools, they havent even given me a number to call. my therapist ignored my messages when i told her i was and have been suicidal and self harming again. then it seems that she reported me as a missing person without ever trying to contact me back. its strange. i feel like i have no one in my corner. in my personal life, i have no close friends, no partner, im estranged from my family. i feel isolated and not even like a human being. everybody expects me to just find some way to just get on with it but i literally can't do this by myself anymore. i find it so hard to take care of my physical needs: eating, sleeping, showering, drinking fluids. ive lost so much weight (weight i cant really afford to lose) and i feel so sick and tired all the time now. i was crying for about 2-3 hours at 3am this morning just thinking about how i have to keep eating and drinking even though i have no desire to. im not enjoying food like i used to and that saddens me so much. im just eating because i have to. sleeping because i have to. drinking water bc i have to. occasionally dragging myself to the shower bc i have to. i live alone. i dont have anyone to talk to, not even someone to make me a cup of tea. i have to sit there by myself for hours before i can finally find the energy to maybe boil the kettle. then i'll sit down for ages and find the energy to pour out the water into a cup. then i sip the tea eventually and its good... then its not. just like eating. i take one bite and i finally feel like i can crush the whole plate... then its gone. i feel so angry all the time bc i just need someone to see that i need physical support. i need actual support and help, not just a listening ear. i can talk and talk and talk but im running on empty and if things continue like this, im actually going to die. i dont think i want to die. but i just cant live like this, im not actually living, im just keeping myself alive and there is no joy or comfort in that at all. it just hurts. my heart feels heavy and every beat feels so laboured. i cant do everything alone, nobody can. but i need hugs. i need affection. i need company. i need someone to help me tidy my environment, even if they were just sitting there. i need help with food and cooking. i need someone to remind me to drink water before i become really dehydrated. i need help with clean clothes. i need such basic basic help but no one will give it to me. i can't figure out why and it makes me wonder if im a burden or if im expecting too much of othe

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    How do you tackle "doom boxes" and other types of clutter?

    Doom boxes. They're great for when you need to corral all the random things that don't have a home but you really want to keep them. However, if you're like me, you probably look at your doom boxes with overwhelm because they just don't get sorted ever again.

    My question is this: How do you tackle the dreaded doom boxes (or in my case, an entire doom room) in addition to the other types of clutter that may lurk in the rooms in your home? One thing I'll be trying is body doubling, which – if you don't know – is working on a frustrating task alongside someone else.

    Share something that typically works for you in the comments below. You never know, your tips and tricks may be super helpful to a fellow Mighty!

    #ADHD #CheckInWithMe #Selfcare #DistractMe #52SmallThings #OCD #Autism #executivedysfunction #AutisticAdults #Parenting

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    What unexpected curves have you experienced due to neurodivergence?

    With every path in life, there's a little bit of messiness. We hope for a simple route but the result typically ends up a little bit bumpier or windy than we may have preferred.

    As I've navigated my own experience with neurodivergence, I see just how many curves and bumps I hit (and let's be real, continue to hit) along the way.

    ↩️ Curve to the left: When I'm called 'lazy' and have to break through the guilt.

    🛑 Stop: When I need to set boundaries with people in my life.

    ⤵️ Getting lost: When I struggle to express my emotions or difficulties.

    What curves has your path taken as you navigate neurodivergence?

    #Neurodiversity #ADHD #Autism #SensoryProcessingDisorder #executivedysfunction #CheckInWithMe


    Dysregulated Emotions

    Dysregulated emotions

    One more sign that I am broken

    Either too happy

    Or really angry

    No between


    #MentalHealth #ADHD #dysregulated #Depression #Anxiety #rejectionsensitivity #executivedysfunction


    It's executive dysfunction

    It's executive dysfunction
    That is my self destruction.
    Tasks that others just simply do
    Are impossible to get through
    Wanting to is not the question

    It's not a lack of instruction
    Please do not make that assumption
    Do not tell me to just "push through"
    It's executive dysfunction

    I know there are repercussions
    No need for more discussion
    How to change, oh I wish I knew
    Because then I wouldn't be blue
    Over having this malfunction
    It's executive dysfunction

    #OriginalPoetry #ADHD #executivedysfunction #ADHDInGirls #Adhdinwomen #ParentingWithMentalIllness #selfsabotage

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    Share your favorite cleaning tips and tricks (especially for when executive dysfunction gets in your way!) 🧹

    I was wondering, how many of you struggle to keep your spaces clean? I know I do. I currently have a number of boxes and piles of laundry strewn around my room. Executive dysfunction is a pain.

    I was wondering if you had any tips or tricks that help you break through the cloud of executive dysfunction and get moving on tidying up your space. Here are some things that have worked for me in the past:

    🧹 - Rewarding myself after accomplishing my tasks

    🧹 - Using a timer and only setting it for 20 to 30 minutes at a time

    🧹 - Listening to upbeat music (lo-fi beats are NOT meant to help me clean in this case)

    🧹 - Enlisting the "help" of a friend via Facetime or Discord video for accountability purposes if they can't be there IRL

    🧹 - Setting realistic goals, which is to say I know I can't clean my whole house in a day (or even my whole room) but I can clean one section thoroughly

    What are some of your tips and tricks? Let me know in the comments below!! And if you're currently struggling with executive dysfunction like I am right now, I am sending so much strength and solidarity to you. 💪

    #Autism #AutisticAdults #ADHD #actuallyautistic #neurodivergent #TheNeurodiverseCrowd #SensoryProcessingDisorder #executivedysfunction #CheckInWithMe #selfcare #52SmallThings


    Insomnia and OCD doing their grim dance tonight (as per usual): scattered thoughts

    Well, it's 2:30am and my alarm goes off in 15 minutes because I have to go to the airport. And I haven't slept a bit.

    I try so hard to have good sleep hygiene, but I can't seem to make it work. My phone and my brain are both equal problems. I have such difficulty with task switching (thanks pandemic for giving me a fun new probably-OCD symptom) and that includes going to bed/sleep. I get into bed and immediately I'm like "omg I have to read the Wikipedia page for multiple different species of squid because they're so cool, and now I'm reading the page for deep sea fish, and now for ocean trenches, and, and, and" or "I should definitely read this podcaster's whole Twitter feed for the millionth time" (I'm not even on twitter) or "now would be a great time to Google search one of my weird physical symptoms that may or may not be a problem or could just be a figment of my hypochondriac imagination." And when I finally do manage to close the browser and put the phone down, my brain goes wild, thinking thinking thinking. About all kinds of things. Anything. Big or small, real or imagined, important or frivolous, personal or abstract. Or it's too warm. Or too cold. Or I'm hungry. Or I have to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes. Or my TMJ issues are exceptionally terrible. Or it's all of those things at once.

    Tonight, it's too warm, my jaw hurts like hell, and I spent a couple of hours being hungry before I gave in and ate some granola. And before that I was stuck on the phone for a couple hours. Then I thought hard for an hour. Gently bonked my pillow against my face for variety.

    I'm visiting my grandmother, who neglected to tell me about her cough and laryngitis until I was already here. She's had two covid tests, both negative, so I'm not worried about that. But I'm still nervous about catching whatever she has in case it's something contagious. I can't bring even a common cold back to my campus. I'd feel terrible. I am vigilant, watching for signs of illness. Is that hint of soreness in my throat from allergies or dehydration or an impending disease that will lay me out for days and spread to my beloved classmates and professors?

    I am always looking for something external to put me to sleep. I always have. I do not trust my own brain to understand how to sleep, and for good reason. It hasn't shown me convincingly that it is able to do so.

    I've come a long way since I was ten years old believing that I was evil and deserved to die because I was unable to fall asleep. Tonight I'm just vibing. Hopefully I'll sleep on the plane. Or maybe my brain will permit me to take a nap when I'm back in my bed in my dorm. It's probably not healthy to think of myself as being at odds with my own mind when it comes to sleeping, but it's hard to do otherwise what with all I've been through.

    I think I really need some help with this.

    #Insomnia #OCD #HealthAnxiety #phone #Sleep #TemporomandibularJointDisorders #hypochondriac #executivedysfunction


    Midterms! 😵

    For the most part, school is my happy place where I feel comfortable and confident and don't have a lot of anxiety. But there's a certain point where the sheer volume of work causes stress! I'm not a procrastinator per se, but I do have lots of difficulty with task switching, possibly due to OCD, and this has gotten exponentially worse recently. And the more work I have, the more inertia I build up. Midterms are happening right now and I am working on accepting that this week will be hard and I may lose points on certain assignments because of how long it takes me to pivot from one assignment to another. My classical mechanics midterm is especially kicking my butt. It's incredibly difficult and my poor silly brain has the hardest time switching to a new approach when one isn't working, or even taking a break altogether. This is the first time I've ever seriously thought that accommodations might help me. It scares me that my brain problems might finally, after 14 years, be affecting my academic performance.

    Anyone else relating right now? Any tips on getting my brain to switch tasks without overexerting myself just from the transition?

    #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #School #College #executivedysfunction #Anxiety #Acceptance #Accommodations


    Overwhelmed for no reason…exhausted

    I am overwhelmed all the time and I am sick of it. I don’t know how to not be overwhelmed. I always feel like I have a million things to do but I don’t. I live tired all the time. My sleep is disrupted from being overwhelmed. I don’t know what this is. I can’t deal with it anymore. I took today off and literally woke overwhelmed for no reason. What do I do? How do I get control ? I am losing it am no one really knows or understands.
    #ADHD #executivedysfunction #Sarcoidosis #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Migraine #overwhelmed