How Depression Fatigue Is Different Than Feeling Tired
Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.
Today, I want to sleep.
To luxuriate in the endless bliss of nothingness. I want to be free from physical pain. Free from exhaustion. I don’t want to feel worried or anxious or guilty or afraid. I don’t want to be lost and weary. I just want to rest. To slip into eternal, blissful rest.
My body is tired. I am fit and well, but I am physically exhausted. There is no reason. It just is.
My soul is tired. There is no reason. It just is.
I am not tired, I am fatigued. Fatigue is a weariness that sinks deep into every pore of my being. Fatigue is not cured by a few hours sleep. I don’t wake feeling rested, I wake feeling exactly the same as I did when I went to sleep. I wake feeling weary.
I don’t feel particularly depressed or anxious. I don’t feel sad or teary or stressed or worried, no more than any other day at least. I just don’t want to be. I don’t feel anything much today. I’m just terribly, terribly weary.
Today I need to spend time searching and applying for work, we are in dire financial straits and I must find a job. Today, I need to clean out the spare bedroom so my much beloved and sorely missed firstborn child can move back in for the next six months. Today, I need to clean and tidy. To write more articles. To follow up on my business plan. Contact friends, wash the car and sort out my paperwork. I have no will or energy to do anything.
Today, I want to sleep.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.
Thinkstock photo via Marjan_Apostolovic.
Crazy hair, solitude seeker, at peace in the natural world. After a series of crises led to an emotional breakdown and multiple psychiatric admissions I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder, PTSD, depression and anxiety, and I have a long-standing eating disorder. I have a passionate interest in mental health and now share my story in the hope it may benefit someone else. I dedicated over three decades of my life as a professional flautist and teacher. In 2008 I completed a Master’s in Journalism, specialising in editing, and continue to hone my skills as a writer. My first book, "Stalked by Demons, Guarded by Angels: The Girl with the Eating Disorder" is now available with all online retailers! With 30 years of marriage under my belt, I successfully raised three and a half young men and a chocolate-brown Burmese cat. A mean feat never to be underestimated.
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