How Chronic Illness Has Affected My Positivity
Before being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I was a very positive person. I always had a “nobody can stop me” attitude. I would always find the good in everything, even when I would have cramps and pain from having endometriosis. I still would search for something positive to keep going. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia that I had to re-evaluate my positivity and make it stronger.
By the time I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, the symptoms were horrible and there was so much pain. I was feeling dizzy almost every hour. But, what was worse was how depressed I was. Nothing seemed to make sense, and I couldn’t understand why I felt that way.
I continued to go to work each day but all I wanted to do was quit; I wanted to give up. Crawling under a rock sound extremely nice at the time. At least people would leave me alone, as I felt like no one understood me. Why bother being positive? The pain and everything was taking over.
I felt so alone. Trying to explain to someone what fibromyalgia is, for me, the hardest thing to do. To some, it’s like speaking a different language. To others, they understand it but to an extent. It’s a lot easier to talk to people about endometriosis than it is to speak about fibromyalgia.
Constantly crying, feeling like crap, in pain, and feeling hopeless, I found myself going to work and coming home to sit on social media. That was when I realized Instagram has such a big community. It was there that I saw people that were so happy, despite having my chronic illnesses.
Since receiving so much love and understanding from others, I now care more about my chronic illnesses. I realized that stress caused my fibromyalgia to flare up, so I try to view life in a different way. I try to be as positive as possible, even when it feels like I need to just give up.
Not every day is sunny. I have times where I do not feel like being positive or motivating, and that is OK. That means that I am human. We are all going to have days that are not going to go our way. We must always know that there will be a sunnier day for us soon.
Constantly talking about it on social media has allowed me to be more open with my chronic illnesses. I am able to bring it up more in conversation and I am not as ashamed to have it as I once was. I understand that this is a life sentence, but it doesn’t mean that you have to be miserable with it.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.
Follow this journey on Chronically Nikki.
We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.
Thinkstock Image By: stevanovicigor