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How Chronic Illness Has Affected My Positivity

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Before being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I was a very positive person. I always had a “nobody can stop me” attitude. I would always find the good in everything, even when I would have cramps and pain from having endometriosis. I still would search for something positive to keep going. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia that I had to re-evaluate my positivity and make it stronger.

By the time I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, the symptoms were horrible and there was so much pain. I was feeling dizzy almost every hour. But, what was worse was how depressed I was. Nothing seemed to make sense, and I couldn’t understand why I felt that way.

I continued to go to work each day but all I wanted to do was quit; I wanted to give up. Crawling under a rock sound extremely nice at the time. At least people would leave me alone, as I felt like no one understood me. Why bother being positive? The pain and everything was taking over.

I felt so alone. Trying to explain to someone what fibromyalgia is, for me, the hardest thing to do. To some, it’s like speaking a different language. To others, they understand it but to an extent. It’s a lot easier to talk to people about endometriosis than it is to speak about fibromyalgia.

Constantly crying, feeling like crap, in pain, and feeling hopeless, I found myself going to work and coming home to sit on social media. That was when I realized Instagram has such a big community. It was there that I saw people that were so happy, despite having my chronic illnesses.

Since receiving so much love and understanding from others, I now care more about my chronic illnesses. I realized that stress caused my fibromyalgia to flare up, so I try to view life in a different way. I try to be as positive as possible, even when it feels like I need to just give up.

Not every day is sunny. I have times where I do not feel like being positive or motivating, and that is OK. That means that I am human. We are all going to have days that are not going to go our way. We must always know that there will be a sunnier day for us soon.

Constantly talking about it on social media has allowed me to be more open with my chronic illnesses. I am able to bring it up more in conversation and I am not as ashamed to have it as I once was. I understand that this is a life sentence, but it doesn’t mean that you have to be miserable with it.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.

Follow this journey on Chronically Nikki.

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Thinkstock Image By: stevanovicigor

Originally published: May 5, 2017
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