Why I Dread Firework Season as a Person With PTSD

I used to love fireworks. As a kid, they were mesmerizing. I was always so devastated when I couldn’t go to the displays put on locally and watch all the pretty colors light up the sky. It’s funny how much things change.

• What is PTSD?

Now, the run up to Christmas and New Year fills me with dread because it brings with it endless opportunities for fireworks. And it really is endless. With the sales of fireworks to the general public, it doesn’t matter that the big displays are only on certain holidays; there will no doubt be someone in your neighborhood creating a bang.

See, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) isn’t straightforward. No mental health struggle (or any health struggle, for that matter) is. But when you think you’re finally on the right path, and you’ve finally gotten out of the labyrinth inside your head, there is something there to trigger you and send you flying right back to the start. And while it may not be a Goblin King that sets your brain into fight-or-flight mode, it is just as damaging as that mystical, powerful force could be.

I used to love fireworks. Now, I spend a lot of time hiding in the dark on my bathroom floor with my headphones in, praying for the chaos outside to subside so I have a chance of quieting the voices and the images within. I will spend weeks, and months potentially, sleep-deprived from the nightmares and insomnia triggered from night after night of fireworks. I will flinch when someone touches me unexpectedly, and struggle to hold myself together under the weight of the flashbacks.

Take a moment this year before buying fireworks. Think about those around you who may struggle if you do. When all you get is a few seconds of color and noise, is it truly worth the pain it causes those around you, who will often suffer silently? Or putting people aside, the pain it causes animals?

Nobody should suffer for the sake of entertainment.