'And Just Like That…' Explores the Intersection of Grief and Trauma in Episode 6

Carrie is looking for a fresh start in her life without Big and is in the market for a new apartment…but the house hunting isn’t going well.

Before we continue, just another reminder that there will be spoilers beyond this point for “And Just Like That…” Season 1 Episode 6. Not up to date? Read Season 1 Episode 5’s recap.

• What is PTSD?

After three months of searching and dozens of apartments, Carrie finally settles for a posh downtown property with great views that she doesn’t love…but she feels like living in her old apartment isn’t healthy. Meanwhile, Charlotte is struggling to adjust to the changes that Rock wants to make to their room decor and look.

Carrie and Charlotte go to Carrie’s storage unit to find a few items to take to her new apartment to make it feel more like home. While opening boxes Carrie discovers Big’s collection of LP’s and is instantly transported right back into her grief. They leave without much because she’s not ready to deal with all of the memories.

Anthony asks Carrie to go to a plastic surgery consultation with him where the surgeon pronounced him to be handsome and ends up telling Carrie the myriad ways she could make herself look 15 years younger, leaving her feeling bewildered and frustrated.

After the consult the girls have a picnic in the park where Miranda tells Charlotte about her sexual encounter with Che. Charlotte doesn’t react well, questioning Miranda’s integrity and sanity, and suggesting that she’s going through a midlife crisis. Miranda storms off but Carrie intervenes reminding her that they’ve already lost so much and that they shouldn’t let a disagreement come between them. Charlotte apologizes and confesses that her response wasn’t just about Miranda, but about people changing in general… clearly a commentary about her anxiety over Rock.

Carrie attends a Diwali celebration with Seema where Seema’s parents interrogate Carrie about a made up boyfriend of Seema’s… a cover up to get her traditional Indian parents to lay off her for not being married yet. On the way home Carrie admits to Seema that she hates the new apartment and she ends up moving back to her old one.

The episode ends with Carrie opening boxes of Bigs stuff from storage that she has brought home, Charlotte helping Rock remodel their room and Miranda sending Che a DM to “hang out.”

Let’s break down some major themes in this episode:

The trauma of loss

There are a couple of aspects to this that are important in this episode. The first is the impulse to want to escape the familiar because you think a fresh start will somehow help you feel less discombobulated. Carrie thinks moving would be healthy so she can “move on,” but in reality she can’t escape her feelings and changing where she lives isn’t going to magically make her feel less alone. Her instinct to hibernate where she feels comfortable is actually a healthy coping strategy. We often return to things that are familiar to make ourselves feel better. Think rewatching the same television show over and over again. It feels safe because we know what to expect. Uncertainty is the Devil.

Carries reaction to finding Big’s record collection at the storage unit is the perfect illustration of what getting triggered looks like and how when that occurs it can instantaneously propel us back into our trauma, in this case the loss of Big and all of the feelings of grief that come along with it. Unfortunately, this is common when you experience a traumatic loss like Carrie did. You can be feeling like you have turned a corner so to speak and then be derailed by a seemingly random thing, which as Carrie notes “sparks sadness.” It’s also an illustration that grief never really ends, you just learn to live with it and to ride the waves when it resurfaces.

Addiction is a coping strategy

Miranda confesses to Charlotte and Carrie that while she’s given up excessive drinking, she has begun compulsively masturbating. She quips “Is it menopause or my compulsive personality?” It’s neither. Nor is it a midlife crisis as Charlotte suggests. Addiction experts like Gabor Mate suggest that addiction is a powerful coping strategy for dealing with trauma. It is a way of numbing and avoiding uncomfortable feelings. Miranda has discussed how unhappy she is with her life. She clearly is trying to figure out who she is, what she wants and what she needs, and this is causing her immense anxiety. It doesn’t surprise me that she’s trying to find ways to self-soothe. My gut reaction is that while the support of friends is wonderful, perhaps what Miranda could use the most right now is a therapist to help her work through the discomfort she’s experiencing.

Ageism and sexism wrapped in a patriarchal sandwich

Frankly this particular aspect of this episode infuriated me. The way in which the plastic surgeon picked apart Carrie while telling Anthony he was just fine was… disgusting. The doctor says “Unfortunately mother nature and Instagram are harder on women’s faces,” and this gets to the crux of it. It’s not that men don’t age… it’s that men aging doesn’t render them less worthy. People don’t go around on social media scrutinizing or policing men’s faces and bodies with a fine tooth comb the way they do women’s. In a simulation, the plastic surgeon suggests that with XYZ procedures that would cost a fortune, Carrie could look 15 years younger. But why would she want to and why should she?

To be fair, I will admit that Charlottes point about not judging women if they choose to do things like Botox or dye their hair to make themselves feel better is a good one. But I do think that underlying that sense of not feeling good enough, pretty enough or worthy enough is a serious commentary about how our patriarchal society treats women’s bodies as objects to be desired and not fully actualized human beings who are allowed to grow, evolve and age.

Nya’s motherhood journey

Nya’s second round of IVF was unsuccessful and she doesn’t want to try again. She struggles to tell her husband until after they have dinner with friends who try to shame her into trying again. I’m glad she finally stands up for herself and tells her husband she’s done and happy with the way things are.

Seema’s cultural challenges

I’m no stranger to the difficulties that come with navigating familial expectations that come from distinct cultural or religious ideologies. In Seema’s case, her parents insistence on her needing a husband forces her to lie to them rather than have to engage with them yet again about why she is still single. It can be extremely frustrating and make interacting with family downright miserable when your personal beliefs and actions don’t align with familial tradition. It’s simultaneously intrusive and feels like a rejection of who you are as an individual.

Will Miranda get some professional help? How will Charlotte continue to adapt to Rocks self discovery? Stay tuned.