Everyday gets crazier and crazier. I am so lost. I can feel myself fading away to the point I just want to be in bed 24/7. Or just to vanish. I feel nothing and everything all at once. I suffer with chronic pain from many sources and so many other things. Mental illness was never a problem until the last two years and I can feel myself falling into the well deeper everyday. I can not take antidepressants. They literally make me want to kill people or myself. Chemical issue. I’m backwards. So what can I do. Drs say I’m fine but I know I am not. I don’t abuse drugs. I don’t drink. I’m tempted to but it makes me feel absolutely horrible. I’m a full time caregiver to my mom. But I don’t want to be but there is no one else. I’m it. I can’t talk to anyone because the don’t get it at all. I get sorrys and it will be ok. NO IT WONT. Sorry. I write it all down then get mad because I shouldn’t have these feelings. I just want to vanish. (Not suicidal). I just want to lay down and vanish. Fade softly into oblivion and be gone. Does that make any sense? #help #MentalHealth #alldone