Why I No Longer Listen to 'Never' Statements After My Diagnosis

My rare disease, which causes blood clots to form, has created a situation where I cannot get a lot of things done that I need to get done.

I can’t get any kind of body manipulation (chiropractic, massage, cupping, etc).

I can’t eat one of my favorite things: spinach and kale.

I can’t see my wife as I used to, since I only have about 25-30% of my vision left. But I’m learning to cope with the vision loss.

And then there’s the medicine I take.

This bottle has such a weight to it, in many ways.

Without these pills, I could die at any moment for a number of reasons: stroke, heart attack, pulmonary embolism, kidney failure and liver failure.

All these things are caused by a clotting factor that causes “sticky blood.”

However, these pills give me a Today. And hopefully a tomorrow. And many years with my wonderful wife. They carry a burdensome weight, but they give me the ability to live.

It’s so easy to look at what doctors said I would never do again and let that dictate my life.

And I did for a minute. I let those things make me. Identify me.

“You’ll never walk unassisted again.” 

“You’ll never be able to have kids of your own.”

“You’ll never be pain-free again.”

“You’ll never….” It was an exhausting list of stated and unstated “nevers,” that I refuse to let own me.

It’s been two months without my cane.

Two months since I did something they never said I’d be able to do.

Two months since I regained something I thought I’d lost.

Faith. And the ability to walk unassisted.

But I cannot deny faith. I cannot deny a higher power of some kind. I cannot deny miracles.

Because this was a miracle.

Yes, I still have fear.

Faith doesn’t take away fear, but it can sit with it. It can comfort it.

Faith can make fear not so deafening. Faith gives you hope.