Why I No Longer Listen to 'Never' Statements After My Diagnosis
My rare disease, which causes blood clots to form, has created a situation where I cannot get a lot of things done that I need to get done.
I can’t get any kind of body manipulation (chiropractic, massage, cupping, etc).
I can’t eat one of my favorite things: spinach and kale.
I can’t see my wife as I used to, since I only have about 25-30% of my vision left. But I’m learning to cope with the vision loss.
And then there’s the medicine I take.
This bottle has such a weight to it, in many ways.
Without these pills, I could die at any moment for a number of reasons: stroke, heart attack, pulmonary embolism, kidney failure and liver failure.
All these things are caused by a clotting factor that causes “sticky blood.”
However, these pills give me a Today. And hopefully a tomorrow. And many years with my wonderful wife. They carry a burdensome weight, but they give me the ability to live.
It’s so easy to look at what doctors said I would never do again and let that dictate my life.
And I did for a minute. I let those things make me. Identify me.
“You’ll never walk unassisted again.”
“You’ll never be able to have kids of your own.”
“You’ll never be pain-free again.”
“You’ll never….” It was an exhausting list of stated and unstated “nevers,” that I refuse to let own me.
It’s been two months without my cane.
Two months since I did something they never said I’d be able to do.
Two months since I regained something I thought I’d lost.
Faith. And the ability to walk unassisted.
But I cannot deny faith. I cannot deny a higher power of some kind. I cannot deny miracles.
Because this was a miracle.
Yes, I still have fear.
Faith doesn’t take away fear, but it can sit with it. It can comfort it.
Faith can make fear not so deafening. Faith gives you hope.