I have a Bernese Mountain Dog, Beyla, that is essentially a failed therapy dog. She's completed all of her tests except therapy prep... why? Because when I'm crying she barks in my face.
Today was rough day. I had to drop off my urine in a bucket at a lab and immediately drive to the Hemotologist for lab work to make sure the blood clots are under control for #AntiphospholipidSyndrome
These aren't sentences that healthy people have in their vocabulary and I never thought they would be in mine either.
On my way home from the pharmacy where I was picking up 2 of my 11 medications that keep me alive, I was thinking to myself how my boyfriend, Nick, would be better off without me- how I should break up with him and release him so that he could move on with his life. So that these words aren't in his vocabulary as well.
I made it home and I turned on the musicals that I love to listen to... specifically "She Used to Be Mine" from Waitress which Nick sings to me sometimes and I sobbed.
But then "You Will Be Found" from Dear Evan Hansen came on. Beyla began to bark in my face and I didn't feel so alone anymore.
"When you're broken on the ground, you will be found."
"From Now On" from The Greatest Showman came on on shuffle (another song that Nick often sings to me) and I just knew. I couldn't give him up. He is the light and love of my life.
.#Lupus took my ability to walk for a short while in 2019. It's taking my uterus in a hysterectomy at age 27. I will not let it take the love of my life.
.To Beyla- Thank you for breaking me out of my depression and stupor by barking in my face. You're my perfect girl
.To Nick- I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you through all of our good days and even more on our bad days. Thank you for staying by my side. I love you fearlessly, endlessly, and kinda forever.
To those who stuck through this long post- I love you, & I'll see you soon.