Lamenting Your Birth
Even Job in the Book of Job in the Bible laments his birth. In Job 1:20-21 we see that when he is first cursed and tempted by Satan, he falls to his knees and worships God.
Skipping forward to when he laments his birth in Job 3 he cries out his pain. Why do good people suffer? He has always been a good and faithful servant of the Lord and still Job 3:11 he woes “Why did I not die at birth, come out from the womb and expire?” Job is in so much physical pain that his mental strength is taking a toll on him as well, asking God these things.
It’s important to note that God did not inflict this pain on Job. He only allowed it by the hands of Satan to test Job. Everything we have, is from the Lord. God does not scorn or demand us to be perfect in faith- but rather, allows us to come to Him in our time of need to draw closer to Him.
For me personally, I feel as though I am Job. Living with so many illnesses, #Lupus #AntiphospholipidSyndrome #BipolarDisorder and more that I just can’t keep up with. Every day I feel as though I am being punished, pushed to the edge of eternity. Every day I lament my own birth-why me? I can’t go on vacations because im too sick and my medical bills are stacking up. I can’t work normal jobs because im too frail and weak. I can’t get on disability because Im too young. I’m stuck in a never ending catch 22 if I need to work to go to the doctor and go to the doctor to live.
But what kind of life is this? This is not the kind of life I want. I want to travel, at least a little. I want to meet people. I want to be happy and not feel constantly stuck in my failing body. I want to turn my “why,God” into “thank you,God” but it’s hard to find the light when all I see is darkness.