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When Your Relationship Anxiety Makes You Feel Unloved

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If you live with anxiety, you may constantly doubt your relationship, wondering if your partner will remain faithful or break your heart. You may ruminate over the dynamic between you and your partner, looking for signs that something is amiss. But above all else, you may feel unloved, even when your partner is loving and supportive.

You may take your partner’s love language as a sign that they don’t love you. You might see your partner’s physical touch or loving gestures as confusing, wondering why they aren’t telling you how much they love you. You may remind yourself that everyone shows love differently, but still feel like your partner’s love isn’t clear enough for you to see. You might feel as though your partner is unable to communicate with you in the way you need or that they’ve stopped wanting to be with you entirely. And you may yearn to feel loved in the ways that speak to you, but worry if you share your feelings, your partner will leave.

You may feel like you can never stop questioning what’s on your partner’s mind, wondering if they truly mean what they say. You might read extra layers of meaning into their words and interpret their gentle critiques as a sign they’re ready to walk away. You may be afraid to ask them to share their feelings in case they tell you that they don’t love you. And you might find that your doubts consume you, even when you feel safest in your partner’s arms.

You may wonder what your partner sees in you, viewing yourself through the lens of your anxiety instead of seeing yourself through their eyes. You might feel like you’re the sum of your perceived faults, not a loving, caring, kind person who wants to love and be loved. You may wonder if your partner’s eyes will wander, if they’ll find someone who has all of the qualities you perceive that you lack. And you might self-sabotage, downplaying your best qualities and letting your anxiety convince you that you’re unlovable, even when your partner has every reason to love you.

When your relationship anxiety makes you feel unloved, remember the moments your partner had actively shown their love — the times they hold you in their arms, the moments they take extra tasks off your hands and the instances when they tell you how much they adore you. Remind yourself of the times your partner has prioritized you or spoken your love language. Recall of the times they’ve established trust and shown you that no matter what your anxiety forces you to believe, you’re their one and only.

Your relationship anxiety may feel all-consuming, racing through your heart and mind more quickly than you can cope with it. It might make you feel like you feel disconnected from your partner — alone and unloved. But when you look for the little signs that your partner truly does love you, you can quiet your anxiety and remind yourself of the truth — you’re always worthy of love.

Getty image by Big_and_serious

Originally published: July 27, 2021
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