Hi guys! I’m new here and have already found so many relatable topics. I’m having a rough time communicating to my husband and family that I need time home to reflect on every horrible, HORRIBLE situation I’ve put myself in and work on getting some control over my emotions and responses to those emotions. I’m moving slow in this process because I’m really paying attention to my thoughts/emotions and I really am becoming more self aware and craving the feeling of growth and accomplishment. However, there is so much more to this than becoming self aware and taking accountability for impulsive actions triggered by such intense emotions. I was at the same job for 7 years so I know me being home now is of course concerning to him because we have never been in this situation before. He is patient with me and I know it’s very hard to understand what I go through. I just need to figure out how to make him understand that this is crucial and on top of it, it’s exhausting! I’m drained after sitting there evaluating things, looking at myself and saying yes, you did cause a lot of pain to the people you love and to yourself. Then you factor in anxiety and all the negative thoughts about how this isnt how you contribute to your family and every worst case scenario possible. Ive never been afraid like this. I am afraid of myself because I never know what I may do to myself or who I’ll be when I wake up in the morning so I’m just trying to get a hold on this and figure it out but I feel it’s going to take a lot of time and I just need my family to understand this. #borderlinepersonalitydosorder #Anxiety #Guilt #Depression #atwarwithmyself