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Honestly I’m exhausted

I’m so tired. It’s my body yes and my mind but it’s so much deeper. It’s my soul. My soul is tired. I feel everything all the time. I’m in a constant state of fight or flight and panic mode. Even when I’m feeling “good” I’m tired. It’s my go to word for- I don’t know how to explain this but I have nothing left to give right now.
Depression makes me tired and guilty. Anxiety makes me tired, my body, and my soul. It’s being constantly aware, constantly on edge, constantly guilty and ashamed and sad and panicky. I am just so damn tired. #Anxiety #tired #Guilt #sad

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Dealing with symptoms and family members...

Hi everybody! Hope you're doing well. I would appreciate some comments about something: when I started to experience symptoms like irritability, I used to be all the time with a bad face, and sometimes I yelled my family members for simple things. They used to feel attacked by this, and I tried to explain to them that it was because I was in a period of very bad depression, I asked them to try not to take it personally, and that because I was very irritable, I asked them to try not to talk to me while I was in that state, until I was better... I used to thought that it was a responsable way to deal with it, because those symptoms wasn't going to end anytime soon, so I tried to evoid contact. Even with the explanations, some family members said that I was being rude to them because of the grumpy face, or because they insisted in talking to me while I was like that and I yelled them. When I got better, some family members resented me, and I felt terribly and guilty because of it. When I'm not in a severe episode of depression, I don't use to yell, and can function normally. Anyone has deal with something like this? Some thoughts about this? #Family #symptoms #Guilt #communicating

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Advice on moving forward from an online connection? *PLEASE READ :)

This happened about 3 years ago now. The peak of Covid. I was going through a media craze and experienced so much toxic behavior from people I’ve spoken to. Suddenly I talk to this great guy from the UK and while things were going pretty fine, I was still so overcome and traumatized from other connections and even more so with a particular guy from Ohio ( I was emotionally manipulated and also love bombed *yikes*) and to put it lightly I’m a very deep emotional person, so I was going through deep waters. I just had a random urge to squash the relationship by insulting his looks and saying crazy obscene things to the point of him being completely offended and ‘shouting’ obscenities towards me in defense. But I guess I deserved it. He ended up blocking me with much hesitation though I tried apologizing and he wouldn’t buy it. With needless to say, that was our end. But now I realize that he was the only one who actually cared and wanted to get to know me deep down. And I find myself missing him and our. I messed up. It’s an awful feeling. I gave up the apps as a whole but now it feels like I’m waiting for a connection that might never come. But I still have hope. #MentalHealth #checkin #Depression #Anxiety #Relationships #Opinion #ADHD #Guilt #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #OCDTest #SuicidalThoughts #selfsabotage #lowselfesteem #SleepDisorders #Insomnia #moodswings #PMS #ChronicFatigue #Hope

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How I Learned to Honor My Emotions and Support My Own Well-Being

This year, I chose to stay home over the holidays. I didn’t choose to stay home because I don’t love my family or because I didn’t want to see them. I chose to stay home for the sake of honoring my emotions.

As someone who struggles with mental health issues, being around multiple people at once can have a tremendous effect on me—and not a positive one. My family is aware of my conditions, but they don’t always know how to respond to my emotions, let alone understand why I feel the way I do. So before large gatherings, I tend to become anxious, panicky, and overwhelmed.

This year, I’d already been feeling an increase in my anxiety before the party even began, and that was the only indicator I needed to make my decision. Some guilt arose while I was in the process of deciding to stay home, but I knew I would only benefit in the long run.

Here are the three key things I told myself to help curb the guilt I experienced as a result of choosing to stay home rather than participate in holiday celebrations with my family.

I don’t owe anybody anything.

I can’t take the reactions of others personally.

I need to trust my gut.

Whenever i had overwhelming emotion i meditate. #PTSD #Meditation #Trauma #Guilt #MentalHealth

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New beginnings!

Hi! Boy am I glad to find you! Without going into a big long story; suffice it to say, I now have the opportunity to reinvent ... find out who I am. I had no idea where to begin! Thanks for being here! #Recovery #MentalIllness #Grief #EmotionalAbuse #Guilt #Newlife

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Negating self, its pain, its anguish…

Notwithstanding my severe lows over last few months and battling extreme loneliness, I still have to maintain my normality. This, so that I can have folks fraternise with me and I continue to have some human contact in a life so cruelly isolating.

My depression and grief is what my shrink has diagnosed as persistent depressive disorder or prolonged grief i have been battling over many years now. Of course to expect all or even a single soul to have the energy, patience to indulge any one with such continuous angst ( angst is how people see grief) is plain unrealistic.

But i discover that most in my circle of kins and friends (which itself is rather small) have not commiserated even a little but right away position their vibes & demeanor that expects me to have moved on, getting on with the world and straight away position their conversational pitch to matters more transactional. The zeitgeist of positivity and its heavy overhang, to display one’s coolness quotient and plain indifference I repeatedly experience in the little i try to strike conversations. No point in reminding one of their loss and therefore better to engage with other matters - so it is always. My grief, my loss, my struggle, my jinxes never gets validated or legitimate. And just so, attempt to engage with folks to battle my loneliness and despair I find the onus is more on me to indulge others, massaging their egos and talk about their jobs, family or some political issues, cinema or music they fancy.

Not just my grief, I just don’t appear anything other than an apparition and therefore my work, engagements and pursuits too are barely seen worthy of queries and interest. I experienced this twice in less than 24 hours.

Grief indeed is so lonely and dealing with it in such a instrumental world makes your pain and loss all the more agonising. #ComplicatedGrief #Grief #prolongedgrief #Loss #dysthemia #Guilt #Loneliness

8 reactions 1 comment

Off work with bad mental health. No diagnosis. Worried

New here. I’ve been off work for 4 weeks and I have a back to work meeting coming up with employer I’m so not ready to come back. I’m not even able to talk about anything properly my head is scrambled. Today I have an overwhelming guilt for being off work because so many people around me are at work and coping fine. I just cannot cope day to day let alone at work. Any words of advice? I’ve had x2 counselling sessions so far, I feel better after but not there yet. I don’t have a clue what I’m struggling with but I’m jealous of everyone who is just going to work and dealing with things, I think why am I not like that? Why can’t I cope? #DiabetesType1 #sickleave #MentalHealth #Depression #Guilt

26 reactions 15 comments