I Will Not Apologize for Needing Self-Care With Bipolar Disorder
I will not apologize for my definition of self-care. I will not apologize for my sleep patterns, my off-days and the struggle I continue to fight through.
I will not apologize for the days I try and try again, failing but continuing the pick myself up in the only way I know how.
I am not sorry for my uncontrollable ups and downs that give me something to learn from.
I will not take pity from others when I know I may not be in the best place in my life, but I know I have progressed farther than I thought I would a year ago, a week ago, even yesterday.
I will not apologize for the baby steps I need to take. I will not apologize for the standards I hold myself to. I will not apologize for the days I have to push myself a little harder than others would have to “normally.” Some days, it’s getting out of bed, making a cup of coffee or even making to-do lists I won’t make an indent in. Other days, it’s writing about difficult things and not letting the darkness win. It’s about the little victories and putting one foot in front of the other.
I am not sorry for the amount of support I need from myself, no matter how little or large it may be. I am not sorry for the amount of support I need from others. I will not say sorry for the days I need companionship and consoling, as well as the days where I need nothing but to be alone.
I am not sorry for the amount of strength I slowly continue to develop, and the importance of acceptance I am starting to grasp.
I will definitely not apologize for the knowledge I’m continuing to gather from researching and reading up on my condition, or the amounts of courage and respect I am beginning to see from people within the bipolar disorder community as well as the Mighty community. I won’t apologize for the amount of courage I wish I could have, but I am working on.
I will continue to fight for myself; I will continue to learn and I will continue to put myself first.
One day, I will look back and know my resilience kept me going, something I will never be sorry for.
Photo by Anika Huizinga on Unsplash